Health Information

[Spr.Earl]

Health Information

For those of you who watch what you eat, here‘s the final word on nutrition and health. It‘s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians.

3. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians.

4. The Italians drink large amounts of red wine and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians, British, or Canadians.

6. Ukrainians drink a lot of vodka, eat a lot of pirogi‘s, cabbage rolls and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Americans, Australians,British, or Canadians.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

 

[Sweetee]

Maybe us Canadians are just in the middle. We should either step up or step down the fat, beer, red wine and other things listed.

Maybe balance isn‘t good

 

[Lexi]

You spelt Perogies wrong....

THERE FRANKO, Fixed.

 

[Franko]

Lexi...your grammar is incorrect as well.

Regards

 

[Lexi]

Psst, Franko...
Look Up ^

 

[bossi]

Chocolate is a Vegetable

Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS.
Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category.
Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.

Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

If you‘ve got melted chocolate all over your hands, you‘re eating it too slowly.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It‘ll take the edge off your appetite, and you‘ll eat less.

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.
(We‘re testing this with other snack foods as well.)

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don‘t they actually counteract each other?

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you‘ll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn‘t that handy?

If you can‘t eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can‘t eat all your chocolate, what‘s wrong with you?

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can‘t let that happen, can you?

 

[bossi]

Q: I‘ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that‘s it... don‘t waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that‘s like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat?
Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.
So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system.
Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables.
As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal; mineral; and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can‘t think of a single one, sorry.
My philosophy is: No Pain = Good.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual statement and peace of mind. If you stop, you‘ll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren‘t fried foods bad for you?
A: You‘re not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil.
In fact, they‘re permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What‘s the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? Cocoa beans... Another vegetable. It‘s the best, feel-good food around!

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

Have a cookie... flour is a veggie!

"When life hands you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and salt."