THE FIRST (& SECOND) WORLD WAR(S), BAR FIGHT VERSION

[Pusser]

The only thing missing is Britain has all its soccer hooligan friends (Canada, Australia, India etc.) jump Germany as well....

Canada isn't much a soccer hooligan, BUT both our national sports involve carrying sticks!

 

[ArmyRick]

This is pretty good. We need a sequel bar fight that for WW2 though, any takers?

 

[OldSolduer]

This is pretty good. We need a sequel bar fight that for WW2 though, any takers?

After a few years, Germany has a few pints.....

 

[Fishbone Jones]

.....and starts sucking up to Russia......

 

[Pusser]

...and decides that it doesn't want to pay for the pints that France insists it owes.  Then it insists that Austria is its brother and that they and Italy are really best friends...

 

[a_majoor]

After a few years, Germany has a few pints.....

Glaring angrily about the bar, Germany saw Britain and France huddled in the corner trying not to make eye contact. Italy had already been marching around the bar, challenging everyone to step outside, but there were no takers. America had left the bar some time ago and no one was sure of where America had gone.

With nothing better to do, Germany challenged Soviet Russia to an arm wrestling match at the Spanish table, while Japan was in the back room taking a pool cue to China.

 

[ModlrMike]

...meanwhile, Germany moved into its brother's house, and decided that the Sudetenland would be a god place to build a nice, new living room...

 

[medicineman]

Isn't this about the time that Germany and Japan were trying to figure out if they were in fact distant cousins?

 

[OldSolduer]

Canada was across the room next to the USA...

 

[Haggis]

....trying to borrow some guns.....

 

[a_majoor]

Armwrestling over, Germany goes to the bar again and orders another pint and one for Austria. Glancing over to Czechoslovakia, Germany says, "Hey, nice shirt. I want it".

Before Czechoslovakia can jump from the bar stool and take a swing, Britain walks over and stands between the two, saying, "Can't we just get along? Come on, now, Czechoslovakia, just the shirt, that's all"...

Humiliated, Czechoslovakia hands over the shirt, while Britain walks back to the corner table with France saying "Now we have peace in our time..."

 

[OldSolduer]

Canada continues to wonder if Germany really really is a mean bully or just misunderstood.

 

[Danjanou]

But Canada is still not used to being a grown up. Having recently moved out of England's house and taken an upstatirs room across the street in the United States house. Canada did kiinD of enjoy it's first grown up visit to the pub with it's siblings Australia, New Zealand, South Africa and India, but really hpes they don't dragged into all that brawling again.

At the other end of the Pub, Italy has finally found someone to fight and kicks newcomer Ethiopia in the goolies when they walk in.

Germany sitting at their table in the centre of the roome smiles and raise their pint glass in a salute. Then they look at Russia who's wandered back in from the kitchen after checking on Japan in the back room and both look over at Poland who's been sitting by themselves at a small table.....

 

[The Bread Guy]

....Germany sitting at their table in the centre of the roome smiles and raise their pint glass in a salute. Then they look at Russia who's wandered back in from the kitchen after checking on Japan in the back room and both look over at Poland who's been sitting by themselves at a small table.....

....right next to Germany....

 

[Danjanou]

England and France stare at Germany and England begins to wave their finger in a stern manner. Germany gives them an "aw schucks" grin  and then turns and knocks Poland's beer off the table.

Poland stands up to confront Germany  and beckons for England and France to come over and help. Russia then taps Poland on the shoulder and when they turn around Germany grabs the chair and smashes it over Poland's head. Russia then rushes in and begins kicking Poland repeatedly in the goolies while they lay writhing on the floor.

German turns to England and France who are standing in the middle of the room and makes a "come on then" gesture, but England and France slink back to their table and continue to utter threats in low voices. Denmark, Norway, Holland, and Belgium who popped in for a quick one after work all look worried and finish their drinks in a hurry and yell for the bill.

Finland who's been sitting in a corner quietly notices Russia is distracted going through the unconscious Poland's pockets, and quickly sneaks up behind and smashes a vodka bottle over Russia's head.

 

[OldSolduer]

Meanwhile across the room, Canada observes......knowing that somehow or another they'll have to help sort this mess out......not that it wants to.

 

[Danjanou]

Russia gets up, shakes their head, grabs Finland and tosses them against the wall, knocking them out. Russian then goes back to their table in the far corner and sits down to sulk. Japan notices this and slinks out back to the Kitchen to see if China has woken up yet.

England grabs the phone and quickly calls the kids Canada, Australia, New Zealand, South Africa, and India and tells them to get down to the pub right quick and oh could one of them pop around to  the United States and tell them to grab their baseball bat and come over.  Then England walks over and stands by France confronting German, Italy and their mates now standing in the middle of the room. Everyone starts to down their pints, grab their coats and head for the door.

German quickly crosses the room and with the bits of broken chair quickly hits Denmark, Norway, Holland and Belgium stunning them all. Germany then grabs their coats and wallets and tosses them on a table to sort through later.

France is upset that it's little cousin Belgium has been hit and rushes around the large table it's been sheltering behind to get at Germany. Italy has finally finished going through Ethiopia's pockets  notices this and trips France. When France gets up Germany has picked up the table and smashes it over Frances's head. France is knocked out for several hours and when they finally wake up they're concussed and slightly schizophrenic and crawl off into a corner to argue with themselves.

Outnumbered and alone England barricades themself behind the bar and begin tossing empty pint glasses at Germany and hoping the kids show up soon.

Germany and Italy begin sorting out the other tables  right quick and strut around the bar. In a corner booth Bulgaria, Hungary and Romania having seen whatever happend to everyone else all stand up and declare that Germany and Italy are their new best mates and buy them a round.

Across the street the United States is getting a bit concerned about all the noise and broken windows and wants to go over
and take a look, but the missus tells them to sit down and finish their dinner.

 

[Haletown]

The Coles Notes version.

Germany has decided to kick the snot out of France & England and it means Canada will have to go overseas, again, and straighten out the mess.

And lets give some recognition to the rest of the Commonwealth & the always late but important USA.

 

[ArmyRick]

Haletown!

I was enjoying my bedtime story and you spoiled it! You have to tell it like a bar brawl scene.

Now back to our once upon a time...

 

[Newt]

Meanwhile, United States hears a noise in the backyard and investigates just in time to see Japan smashing its tiki themed patio set in retaliation for suggesting Japan had had too much to drink and should be cut off for the rest of the night. United States is very upset at this and heads down to bar.

Japan also eggs The Neatherlands' house and moons Australia as it heads back to pick on China some more.