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Opinion & Editorial: Liberation of Canada would advance U.S. policy goals
Monty Rohde and Bassey Etim, Univesity of Wisconsin-Madison Badger Herald, 16 Feb 07
Article Link
It is time for America to consider its next step in the war on terror. The removal of tyrannical pro-terrorist governments in Iraq and Afghanistan has proven largely successful. Granted there are some issues, but who could have foreseen the difficulties we would face? Who would have guessed there would be issues with sectarian violence in Iraq or that al-Qaida would, in desperation, turn toward wanton murder of the civilian populace to create instability? Who could have known that leaving densely populated urban areas absent of any authority would lead to widespread looting? How could we have known that our primary source on Iraq’s hidden weapons is a lying drunk? Plus, those medical trucks looked a lot like tiny nerve gas labs in grainy satellite photos.
The current situation in Iraq is not a crisis, but an opportunity, a learning experience for our future efforts in the war on terror. We therefore purpose the next step in global war on terror be a baby step of the annexation of Canada. Some may find this suggestion perplexing. With more pressing issues to attend to in Iran and Venezuela, why should we annex Canada?
The answer is quite logical: Canada is the northern front in the war on terror. Many of the Sept. 11, 2001, hijackers entered the United States through the soft border with our northern neighbor. Currently there is a veritable army of terrorists sheltered just across the border. Sleeper cells and several prominent terrorists lie hidden in Canadian cities buried within various ethnic communities, lying in wait to strike at the heart of America. It is clear we cannot trust Canadians to keep America safe. What better way to secure our unprotected borders than by liberating our northern neighbors?
Canada is also a crucial part of the strategic global struggle with China. China has spent the last decade building up its influence across the globe, taking great care to secure global oil supplies. Canada currently possesses the second-largest known global oil reserve in its Alberta province, and with the polar ice caps finally melting, we can expect more oil to flow from the north in the future as new oil fields become accessible. If Canada, America’s top oil supplier and soon-to-be fourth-largest oil producer in the world, were to fall into China’s camp, America would lose more than 10 percent of its oil imports. We cannot afford to let this happen under any circumstance.
An outright invasion of Canada would be ludicrous — you can’t just invade another country. We would need a casus belli, a just cause, to justify our actions and rally our populace. Fortunately such circumstances are not hard to invent.
Canada, like the United States, has begun to reject liberalism and shift to the right. In recent national elections, liberals were thrown out of office and a conservative government was swept into power in the same way the Republicans gained control in of Congress in 1994. Much like the Midwest, small towns in the Canadian heartland of Alberta, Manitoba and Saskatchewan rejected the corrupt and ingratiating philosophies of liberalism and multiculturalism and voted to express traditional values. In the spirit of the common conservative bond, our two nations could be unified.
With support, our Canadian heartland brethren can break the shackles of liberalism for once and for all. This would be accomplished by providing significant financial, organizational, and material backing to strengthen the position of Canadian conservatives. When they have gained sufficient power and popular support, they should be impelled to secede from the liberal elite dominating the country from Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto and Vancouver.
Preferably, this would be the first step toward statehood, though an independent Alberta, Manitoba and Saskatchewan loyal to the United States would also be acceptable. If the Canadian government attempted to quash the push for independence, we would be forced to move American troops into Canada and dissolve their government to maintain law and order, incorporating Canada into the United States as a protectorate. In this event it would be best to grant Quebec autonomy, and allow it sovereignty over New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland and other useless parts of the former Canadian nation. While some may find the creation of a Vichy Quebec undesirable in contrast to total annexation, let us pose a simple question. Does the United States need millions of croissant-loving French and Newfies pouring over the border and taking jobs from hard-working Americans? We most certainly think not.
There is little question Canadians would greet their Anschluss with open arms and cheers. After all, for decades the Canadian national identity has consisted of nothing more than denying they are American. I believe it is time to relieve them of that burden.
Notes on liberation
As Senate Republicans are embarrassed about overstating an intelligence report alleging high-level Iranian involvement in arming Iraq’s insurgents, we should remind ourselves how we got here in the first place. We treat war as the first option among many, and unfounded rumors put forth by one man had our officials considering military escalation once again.
Throughout U.S. and world history, public opinion has operated as a game of brinksmanship. The public gets so fed up with officials in nearly every generation that a constitutional crisis, or revolution, becomes a reasonable long-term possibility. At this point, leaders finally adhere to the public will or get overthrown. But we are optimistic about our political system, and as leaders try desperately to make their schemes work, the clock of public opinion winds down. When it finally does, there is no need for violent action or a coup in America. Our leaders, like the public, are socialized to know when time is up and adhere to popular demands.
But if we continue let our military-industrial complex and delusional neo-conservatives manipulate our foreign policy goals with ease, the United States will eventually commit an unforgivable international atrocity. We might even liberate Canada.
Monty Rohde (nrohde@badgerherald.com) is an editorial cartoonist and Bassey Etim (betim@badgerherald.com) is the opinion page editor.
Opinion & Editorial: Liberation of Canada would advance U.S. policy goals
Monty Rohde and Bassey Etim, Univesity of Wisconsin-Madison Badger Herald, 16 Feb 07
Article Link
It is time for America to consider its next step in the war on terror. The removal of tyrannical pro-terrorist governments in Iraq and Afghanistan has proven largely successful. Granted there are some issues, but who could have foreseen the difficulties we would face? Who would have guessed there would be issues with sectarian violence in Iraq or that al-Qaida would, in desperation, turn toward wanton murder of the civilian populace to create instability? Who could have known that leaving densely populated urban areas absent of any authority would lead to widespread looting? How could we have known that our primary source on Iraq’s hidden weapons is a lying drunk? Plus, those medical trucks looked a lot like tiny nerve gas labs in grainy satellite photos.
The current situation in Iraq is not a crisis, but an opportunity, a learning experience for our future efforts in the war on terror. We therefore purpose the next step in global war on terror be a baby step of the annexation of Canada. Some may find this suggestion perplexing. With more pressing issues to attend to in Iran and Venezuela, why should we annex Canada?
The answer is quite logical: Canada is the northern front in the war on terror. Many of the Sept. 11, 2001, hijackers entered the United States through the soft border with our northern neighbor. Currently there is a veritable army of terrorists sheltered just across the border. Sleeper cells and several prominent terrorists lie hidden in Canadian cities buried within various ethnic communities, lying in wait to strike at the heart of America. It is clear we cannot trust Canadians to keep America safe. What better way to secure our unprotected borders than by liberating our northern neighbors?
Canada is also a crucial part of the strategic global struggle with China. China has spent the last decade building up its influence across the globe, taking great care to secure global oil supplies. Canada currently possesses the second-largest known global oil reserve in its Alberta province, and with the polar ice caps finally melting, we can expect more oil to flow from the north in the future as new oil fields become accessible. If Canada, America’s top oil supplier and soon-to-be fourth-largest oil producer in the world, were to fall into China’s camp, America would lose more than 10 percent of its oil imports. We cannot afford to let this happen under any circumstance.
An outright invasion of Canada would be ludicrous — you can’t just invade another country. We would need a casus belli, a just cause, to justify our actions and rally our populace. Fortunately such circumstances are not hard to invent.
Canada, like the United States, has begun to reject liberalism and shift to the right. In recent national elections, liberals were thrown out of office and a conservative government was swept into power in the same way the Republicans gained control in of Congress in 1994. Much like the Midwest, small towns in the Canadian heartland of Alberta, Manitoba and Saskatchewan rejected the corrupt and ingratiating philosophies of liberalism and multiculturalism and voted to express traditional values. In the spirit of the common conservative bond, our two nations could be unified.
With support, our Canadian heartland brethren can break the shackles of liberalism for once and for all. This would be accomplished by providing significant financial, organizational, and material backing to strengthen the position of Canadian conservatives. When they have gained sufficient power and popular support, they should be impelled to secede from the liberal elite dominating the country from Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto and Vancouver.
Preferably, this would be the first step toward statehood, though an independent Alberta, Manitoba and Saskatchewan loyal to the United States would also be acceptable. If the Canadian government attempted to quash the push for independence, we would be forced to move American troops into Canada and dissolve their government to maintain law and order, incorporating Canada into the United States as a protectorate. In this event it would be best to grant Quebec autonomy, and allow it sovereignty over New Brunswick, Nova Scotia, Newfoundland and other useless parts of the former Canadian nation. While some may find the creation of a Vichy Quebec undesirable in contrast to total annexation, let us pose a simple question. Does the United States need millions of croissant-loving French and Newfies pouring over the border and taking jobs from hard-working Americans? We most certainly think not.
There is little question Canadians would greet their Anschluss with open arms and cheers. After all, for decades the Canadian national identity has consisted of nothing more than denying they are American. I believe it is time to relieve them of that burden.
Notes on liberation
As Senate Republicans are embarrassed about overstating an intelligence report alleging high-level Iranian involvement in arming Iraq’s insurgents, we should remind ourselves how we got here in the first place. We treat war as the first option among many, and unfounded rumors put forth by one man had our officials considering military escalation once again.
Throughout U.S. and world history, public opinion has operated as a game of brinksmanship. The public gets so fed up with officials in nearly every generation that a constitutional crisis, or revolution, becomes a reasonable long-term possibility. At this point, leaders finally adhere to the public will or get overthrown. But we are optimistic about our political system, and as leaders try desperately to make their schemes work, the clock of public opinion winds down. When it finally does, there is no need for violent action or a coup in America. Our leaders, like the public, are socialized to know when time is up and adhere to popular demands.
But if we continue let our military-industrial complex and delusional neo-conservatives manipulate our foreign policy goals with ease, the United States will eventually commit an unforgivable international atrocity. We might even liberate Canada.
Monty Rohde (nrohde@badgerherald.com) is an editorial cartoonist and Bassey Etim (betim@badgerherald.com) is the opinion page editor.
I mean with a large supply of marijuana and meth they got to take us in, right? :blotto:
