And the survey says... (Essay/rant)

[medaid]

Your FMP has a built in spell/grammar check program too! The program is called 'self', and you need to constantly update that program with a software called 'knowledge' and since that software comes in the shareware version allot via pams, pubs, books and a variety of other things, it is almost, if not virtually free. The only down side to the failure of the program called 'self' is that it causes problems within the operating program called 'troops', which on occasion of 'self' failure could lead to damage or permanent loss of said operating program.

Being able to write and articulate your thoughts and ideas into written form is something that should never be put on the backburner or forgotten. It is important to know how to, and when to employ the proper technique and method of writing. But that's just my two rupees you may or may not want to adhere to it.

 

[Sapper6]

i thinks freds esay are goods.

s6
prood injeneer!

 

[KwaiLo]

I got this about 10 years ago, from a newspaper.  Thanks to the unknown writer, I have been asked many times over the years who it is, and I wish I knew.

I have kept a copy of this at my desk since I found it, and doubt I will ever take it down.

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid clichés like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as clichés.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
18. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
20. The passive voice is to be ignored.
21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
23. DO NOT use exclamation points and all caps to emphasize!!!
24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
25. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
27. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
29. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
31. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
32. Who needs rhetorical questions?
33. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
34. The passive voice should never be used.
36. Do not put statements in the negative form.
37. Verbs have to agree with their subjects.
38. A writer must not shift your point of view.
39. Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
40. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
41. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
42. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
43. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
44. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.
45. Always pick on the correct idiom.
46. The adverb always follows the verb.
47. Be careful to use the rite homonym.

And Finally...

47. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

 

[armyvern]

I can't believe I didn't get busted for this. Clearly none of these people are competent to argue the merits of  writing well.

Well Edgar, tonight is my first time visiting this thread and I see you've picked yourself up for your inability to spell ability properly. I guess that leaves me to bust you for your failure to capitalize "Canadian" in your same linked post.

Last para, last sentence. 

http://forums.army.ca/forums/threads/59828/post-555487.html#msg555487

And if we learned anything from the Chretien years, it is that the pinnacle of canadian power does not require a facility with either official language.

 

[FredDaHead]

i thinks freds esay are goods.

s6
prood injeneer!

You're an engineer, though; you're expected to not be able to effectively communicate. Well, at least communicate in human terms, anyway.

 

[edgar]

I got this about 10 years ago, from a newspaper.  Thanks to the unknown writer, I have been asked many times over the years who it is, and I wish I knew.

I have kept a copy of this at my desk since I found it, and doubt I will ever take it down.

1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects....

This is the good stuff. Promulgate this to your subordinates.

I was disgusted to find my troop expected a six page op order to move three trucks to the back forty for the weekend. I experienced despair when I learned that this was a problem in England while training for WWII also (according to, if memory serves, Morton's Military History of Canada). The paper war is the priority and probably has been since before confederation. This is because the Army is a bureaucracy, and people know you by your paper trail. Moreover, it is not good enough to lead, you have to painstakingly document yourself leading, so your ass is covered. This will waste half your life but you shouldn't have joined if you can't take a joke eh? I got good at this, getting kudos for my "staff work", but I learned from an SSM who flourishes in the public school system bureaucracy, so maybe I had an unfair advantage.

I was once asked to turn a one sentence memo into a three paragraph memo, "because a proper memo has three paragraphs". So " I won't be here for two weeks because I am on course" had to be expanded. I later realized why he wanted three paragraphs. It takes three reads to remember something. Any communication like a ppt, mess dinner speech, a textbook chapter, pop song, etc, all follow a general pattern. First ya tell 'em what you're gonna tell 'em, then ya tell 'em, then ya tell 'em what you told 'em. But every memo?

I also read some time management books to help get my paperwork sorted out. Among the gems from the CEOs was "ignore typos". If you know what she was trying to say, it was an effective memo. Time is money. Maybe not if you are on the taxpayer's teat, but life is measured in units of time, I won't tell you how to spend yours. If your FMP messages get the red pen, your boss's boss needs to dial up the exercise a bit.

I didn't expect my opinion to be controversial. I must have kicked some staff wienies right in the sense of self worth.