Job offered, and would like to hear some opinions

[NewfieBish]

Hey everyone, just wanted to come to this section of the forums to let you all know about where I find myself now, and what you guys suggest are possible ways to approach this job offer.

I was offered a position in the Geo Tech. trade last week, and would be starting BMQ on April 23rd. My girlfriend of 6 years is being supportive, but she is at the same time letting me know that she doesn't want to leave her teaching position here in Newfoundland to move with me because of outstanding student loans and so on. She would be leaving her career, to come with me and look for work so to say.

Also, she doesn't like the sound of moving alot (As I understand members of the military change postings once every 3-5 years or so) because as a teacher, she wouldn't be able to hold a permanent job, and thus would lose the benefit of a good teaching pension once she retires, due to leaving jobs every 3-5 years and not paying into one pension constantly.

I myself don't really mind all this, and I have experience in geomatics and would LOVE to have a career in that area; however I think I should take her situation into consideration.

So what do you guys think? I have been with this girl for 6 years, and we hope to maybe have a house to semi "settle down" in a couple of years; so I am beginning to think it may be best if I decline this offer and look for a career that will give me what I want, while not taking from what she has worked very hard for.

It really sucks that this is what it boils down to, but I know where she's coming from. If I was her and had a student loan to pay and car payment and all the other regular bills, I wouldn't want to chance leaving my (her) current teaching position to follow me with the military and probably end up with a job at a grocery store or something like that to get her bills paid from month to month.

It's a tough decision for me, and I want to know what you guys think about this. When I applied for the military, neither of us had a job worth talking about, but now that she has one related to her university degree, it does kind of change things.

Thanks again, and feel free to say whatever you think of this.

 

[Journeyman]

Thanks again, and feel free to say whatever you think of this.

Didn't you play this game here less than a month ago, and leave pouting after your sand castle got kicked over?  :

 

[Journeyman]

Regardless of the context, time is usually better spent grabbing another beer than typing (especially in a recruiting thread), assuming -- by the beer -- that you're off rather than being on stand-by with your pager off.  ;D

 

[matthew1786]

1. Take the job, she can find a teaching job wherever you get posted.


..... but then again, I'm just a total f*kn stranger that literally knows nothing about you, and I'm deciding the most important decision you might ever have to make, for you. If that is how you really want this to go, then refer back to line 1. If not, I suggest you have a long and serious discussion with your female friend, and gather advice from people that know you well.

 

[Nichfour]

Personally my opinion is to ditch the girl you are not married, I was with a women for 3 years and when I applied (around 7 months ago) she said I had to choose her or the job that would have me gone from home a lot. Personally it was an easy choice it was basically trading my future for hers and I said "Nice knowing you" and handed in my application now I am merit listed and could not have been happier with my decision. It sucked for a little while without her but honestly you get over it I would never compromise my future for anyone else's sake when it comes to decisions like this. Obviously if you were married with kids that is different. I don't know you or your relationship but imagine if she hits the road in a year and you are left wishing you would have taken the job.

you have some thinking to do.

 

[Cui]

Personally my opinion is to ditch the girl you are not married, I was with a women for 3 years and when I applied (around 7 months ago) she said I had to choose her or the job that would have me gone from home a lot. Personally it was an easy choice it was basically trading my future for hers and I said "Nice knowing you" and handed in my application now I am merit listed and could not have been happier with my decision. It sucked for a little while without her but honestly you get over it I would never compromise my future for anyone else's sake when it comes to decisions like this. Obviously if you were married with kids that is different. I don't know you or your relationship but imagine if she hits the road in a year and you are left wishing you would have taken the job.

you have some thinking to do.

Well, if you are in a really committed relationship, there are things to consider other than "do I really want this job or not". You don't know his position, maybe he just bought a ring today and will pop the question soon. Just because you are not married, doesn't mean you should dump your boyfriend/girlfriend on a whim.

As well, holy run on sentences. I think I ran out of breath just reading that. There was only one comma in that paragraph...

Just saying

 

[Nichfour]

Well, if you are in a really committed relationship, there are things to consider other than "do I really want this job or not". You don't know his position, maybe he just bought a ring today and will pop the question soon. Just because you are not married, doesn't mean you should dump your boyfriend/girlfriend on a whim.

As well, holy run on sentences. I think I ran out of breath just reading that. There was only one comma in that paragraph...

Just saying

That is why I started the reply off with "Opinion". I was under the impression the OP was looking for different view points, not to mention the title of the thread "Job offered, and would like to hear some opinions". I simply gave the summary of my situation as an opinion, because although I was in a committed relationship with an apartment, car, pets etc I found my partner to be hostile to my aspirations. My course of action was the result of long talks and disputes, but I was trying to keep my reply brief and to the point. I also acknowledged the fact that I do not know the OP or his current situation regarding his relationship.

Furthermore I didn't find the sentence structure of my response to be that bad. The second sentence could have used a comma I agree ,but if you are running out of breath while reading I suggest taking a break at the periods.

 

[PMedMoe]

So, you've been with this girl for six years and didn't ask her opinion before applying?  Now you've been offered a job that other people would kill for and you can't decide if you want it?  Why did you apply in the first place?

 

[NewfieBish]

So, you've been with this girl for six years and didn't ask her opinion before applying?  Now you've been offered a job that other people would kill for and you can't decide if you want it?  Why did you apply in the first place?

I applied in November 2010, she was finishing her degree but never had  a job with it yet, so I guess she just thought "why not?" So I applied then, and got merit listed early in 2011. Since then now she's finished her degree and moved into her job, and now that the offer has come for me, we stepped back a bit and had another look at the big picture.

Makes me feel terrible, the thought of turning down this type of career, but as one poster said above, it's as if one of us will have to give up something for the other. Since she has more time and money invested into her education, I think the appropriate thing for me to do is let her work her career as she is doing and find something that goes with that for myself.

I hope if I do turn this offer down, it doesn't burn any bridges between myself and the CF; I think highly of it, and maybe in another couple of years when she is debt free and a little more flexible, maybe then we could have another look at it if I am not in a better position than now myself.

 

[PrettyMaggie63]

Go ahead and turn it down, there are a whole lot of people waiting in line behind you.  How can you say that is what you wanted then? But you are not sure now? The majority of teachers get moved around from school to school every couple of years to keep them from getting stagnant.  If you are so undecided, just step aside and let someone else have the job, someone who really wants it.

 

[MMSS]

There's a saying I've heard; if you really want to do something, you'll find a way, otherwise, you'll find an excuse. I have also heard, never let anyone, spouse, girlfriend, or family stand in the way of your career and your happiness. The only question is, is this something that you want? If it is, you'll find a way to make it work.

 

[Donny]

prettymaggie63, Well said!

 

[Journeyman]

..... and maybe in another couple of years ....we could have another look at it

So in a couple of years everyone can again tell you that "obviously the CF isn't for you" -- she may have less debt, but by then she'll have seniority that she won't give up...or kids....or, as MMSS said, whatever excuse.

...and she'll still have your balls in her purse.

 

[NewfieBish]

Alot of good points made. One half of me wants to do what's best for both me and my girlfriend, and the more outgoing half of me wants to bang it all down and do this for me and figure out the love life later.

I talk to the recruiter Tuesday, and whatever I decide to do, thanks for taking the time to comment. Ill let you all know how things go, and hope I make the right decision.

 

[Maxadia]

As a schoolteacher, I'll jump in.

No, you can just get posted anywhere and have her walk into a new teaching job.  In MANY parts of the country, it's almost impossible right now to get a good job, and if you do, you might end up in a division where their contract doesn't have any seniority in it.

You're right...one of you has to give something up, or face the consequences of being unhappy.

So give up the job, give up the girl, or give up the idea of both of you finding a happy compromise...it's extremely rare.

 

[Pusser]

You can also think of this from another perspective.  She has only just started in her teaching career.  Where will she be in a year?  Will she be loving it or hating it?  Will she even have a job?  Keep in mind that she is still at the bottom of the totem pole and so will be among the first layoffs.  Teaching is a fairly transportable career, which goes well with a military family.  Granted, it's difficult to find permanent treaching positions at this time, but not impossible to get on as a supply teacher. Opportunity is often a result of what you do for yourself.  I can't tell you which choice you should make, but I can point out that the current situation seems to be one of either her bagging groceries or you, so you need to think about this long and hard.

I will close with this: more than one person has made th choice to either not join the CF or get out at the behest of his/her significant other, only to find themselves both without that significant other and the career they always wanted because things changed after the choice was made.

The question is, what do you want?

 

[Maxadia]

and the more outgoing half of me wants to bang it all down and do this for me and figure out the love life later.

There you go.

If she really was the one....you wouldn't be trying to figure this out.

 

[matt1994]

If it were me, and I loved the offer they made me then I would take it.

But, hard to say what is best for you, because I don't know you.

It's either take the job you love, or be with the woman you love, or both if it can work out which I bet would be tough.

Best of luck in your future though!

 

[PuckChaser]

There you go.

If she really was the one....you wouldn't be trying to figure this out.

And she'd realize her career is portable, she can start teaching anywhere. Sounds like she just doesn't want to leave home.

 

[NewfieBish]

And she'd realize her career is portable, she can start teaching anywhere. Sounds like she just doesn't want to leave home.

Yeah I mean, of course I don't want to move away from my parents and friends etc, but this day in age you don't get to choose where you take a job, it's a situation of consider yourself lucky to have one, especially a career oriented one such as the CF.

I could understand my woman not wanting to move, thats normal, but it's not something that makes you not take up an opportunity like what I've been offered. It's funny, I've been with her 6 years and I can't see myself with anyone else, but all of this even has me starting to wonder.