- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
GDawg said:
I'm going on 0502, but I'll probably see you there.
I'm going on 0502, but I'll probably see you there.
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
If that was any of my instructors, we would have been jacked up the worst. They would have asked why we were the only ones with it correct, and why we didn't pass the word to buddy in the other sections.
- Reaction score
- 3,106
- Points
- 1,160
From my SSM in 4CER getting ready for a Tuesday morning parade in Lahr:
"Cpl ****, you get that idiot grin off your face, or I'll shove my pacestick up between your child-bearing hips!" Entire squadron breaks up...
CHIMO, Kat
"Cpl ****, you get that idiot grin off your face, or I'll shove my pacestick up between your child-bearing hips!" Entire squadron breaks up...
CHIMO, Kat
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 210
Slim said:
Ive heard that one a few times.
another Basic Recruit classic is
MCpl: Did you shave this morning Troop?
Cornflake: Yes MCpl
MCpl: With what? a bumblebee in a clamshell? (or) a Rock?
______________________________________
and the best one i ever heard.
on my QL3a's in borden we had a QL2 being run on the 1st floor of our baracks, and an air force MCpl (i swear it looked like an enginer cap badge but i could be wrong) was jacking them up on the saturday moring outside of our windows.
so naturally we're listening in.. and the platoons problem of the day was hair on the beret and face. so it starts like this:
Mcpl: did you shave this morning troop?
pte A: no mcpl
Mcpl: no? but youre wearing aftershave?
pte A: yes mcpl
mcpl: why are you wearing aftershave if you havent shaved?
pte A: uhhhh.....
mcpl: listen to the name! AFTER-SHAVE! its not, IF-I-SHAVE or MAYBE-I'll-SHAVE-TODAY, its AFTER-SHAVE! meaing you wear it, AFTER YOU SHAVE!
he moves down the line, and discovers lint and hair on another recruits beret
Mcpl: what in the hell is on your beret pte?
pte B: uhhh......
Mcpl: ITS HAIR! What is hair doing on your headress? do you have pets in the barracks or something?
pte B: No Mcpl!
Mcpl: I think youre lying to me, I think i know whats going on... You Troops have a cat in the barracks! it is sleeping in Your Beret and cleaning his (Pte A) face!
it was one of the more memorable moments from that summer.
that and when (I kid you not) he had the platoon holding up their canteens doing the "This is my rifle, there are many like it but this one is mine..." speach replacing rifle with canteen.
sadly i cant remember any of our instructors that summer giving us any memorable jacking ups.
though two of our coursemates mooned an instructor from the back of a 2 ton TCV right in front of the CFSAL ADMIN building....
i recall the MCPL summoning the two of them from the classroom to the course office using the phrase "would the two members of the insane clown posse march down to the course office NOW!"
end result. they got a talking to. no chit, no charge, not even extra D&D. though at the crse party the Mcpl even admitted it was an awsome prank, just a bad time and place to do it.
holy craaap, ^^;;
Since it'd be rude to ONLY post that, lol:
The only real memorable jacking ups I've heard were on my SQ course a summer or so ago. Can't remember the course Warrent Officer's name, but he's stationed in Wainwright, reg force guy. Very memorable.
Anyways, we were having lunch (I think, my short term memory's shot to crap *grumble* stupid finals, lol) and the WO roars into the room and forms us all up outside the barricks.
The Gist of the problem?
"You're Missing TWO F***ING BFA's! YOU'RE F***ED! NOOO BODY leeeaves the BArricks!"
Gawd, it took us awhile, but a day or so after this happened, all one of us had to do with raise up a BFA and it sent us all into laughter. We were gonna put it on our course shirt too,
but we ran out of time :crybaby:
Since it'd be rude to ONLY post that, lol:
The only real memorable jacking ups I've heard were on my SQ course a summer or so ago. Can't remember the course Warrent Officer's name, but he's stationed in Wainwright, reg force guy. Very memorable.
Anyways, we were having lunch (I think, my short term memory's shot to crap *grumble* stupid finals, lol) and the WO roars into the room and forms us all up outside the barricks.
The Gist of the problem?
"You're Missing TWO F***ING BFA's! YOU'RE F***ED! NOOO BODY leeeaves the BArricks!"
Gawd, it took us awhile, but a day or so after this happened, all one of us had to do with raise up a BFA and it sent us all into laughter. We were gonna put it on our course shirt too,
but we ran out of time :crybaby:- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 60
Late '80s, RAF Cranwell:
"Did you polish those boots last night, Smith?"
"No Sir, my wife did!"
Poor soul turns red whilst remainder of squad stifle laughter, moves on to next man...
"Are those your best boots, Jones?"
"No Sir, they're Slater's!"
Poor soul now has turned puce and is doing a good impression of a man having an epileptic fit. Squad is now giggling like kindergarten children. Next man....
"Is that your best uniform, Firth?"
"No Sir, (pauses for effect) but it is my favourite!"
Poor soul has now lost the power of speech and only appeasrs capable of inhaling as he tries to come to terms with what is happening on his parade. The squad are now behaving in a similar fashion to the Roman guards in the Life of Brian and the famous Welease Wodewick sketch. That cost us a full drill lesson at warm up speed but it was worth it.
Same time period, same place, block inspection in No 2 IOT. Rock FS disappears into room behind me, returns with my civvy shoes which are, in fairness, in a sh!te state.
FS: "What are these shoes saying to you, Mr Wonder??"
Me (knowing the axe will fall regardless) moment: "They're saying 'Help, Help! The FS's got me!"
...well worth 50 press ups!
"Did you polish those boots last night, Smith?"
"No Sir, my wife did!"
Poor soul turns red whilst remainder of squad stifle laughter, moves on to next man...
"Are those your best boots, Jones?"
"No Sir, they're Slater's!"
Poor soul now has turned puce and is doing a good impression of a man having an epileptic fit. Squad is now giggling like kindergarten children. Next man....
"Is that your best uniform, Firth?"
"No Sir, (pauses for effect) but it is my favourite!"
Poor soul has now lost the power of speech and only appeasrs capable of inhaling as he tries to come to terms with what is happening on his parade. The squad are now behaving in a similar fashion to the Roman guards in the Life of Brian and the famous Welease Wodewick sketch. That cost us a full drill lesson at warm up speed but it was worth it.
Same time period, same place, block inspection in No 2 IOT. Rock FS disappears into room behind me, returns with my civvy shoes which are, in fairness, in a sh!te state.
FS: "What are these shoes saying to you, Mr Wonder??"
Me (knowing the axe will fall regardless) moment: "They're saying 'Help, Help! The FS's got me!"
...well worth 50 press ups!
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
Mcpl; "Private I got this off the lid of your shaving cream. What the fuck is this?" *Shows me his finger.
"It looks like you got some of my discharge on your finger, Master Corporal!"
My Mcpl has to move on to stop from laughing. at which poin the NCO from the next section over states loudly enough for thewhole course to hear "Looks like 4 section has a discharge problem" The rest of the inspection was shot.
"It looks like you got some of my discharge on your finger, Master Corporal!"
My Mcpl has to move on to stop from laughing. at which poin the NCO from the next section over states loudly enough for thewhole course to hear "Looks like 4 section has a discharge problem" The rest of the inspection was shot.
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 60
ahem...apparently so. ;D
- Reaction score
- 1
- Points
- 410
Although this really has nothing to do with a verbal jacking up it does provide a nice image that may make you chuckle.
Chilliwack summer of '94 BOTC.
The Sgt and WO have been teaching us drill all morning. Some of us (not me of course ;D) were having some coordination troubles which the DS were enjoying immensly. Finally things are starting to look good. Now it's time to learn "change step." Probably the most useless of movements ever invented unless everyone is out of step to begin with. Of course, we're all feeling pretty good about ourselves by this time.
Sgt: "CHANGE STEP!"
Most of us do it without wiping out, but one recruit in the middle of the pack did some type of hop skip and jumps about 1 foot in the air above all of our heads. There's some chuckles and whispering from the DS and the order is given again. Sure enough, the recruit jumps about a foot in the air. This time the chuckles are pretty loud. Third time's a charm I guess because we hear once more, "CHANGE STEP!" And again, the gazelle jumps. Well, now the DS are making no effort about hiding their amusement are are literally holding each other up because they are laughing so hard. They are so overwhelmed that they almost forget about us as we march smartly off the parade square onto the grass and lightly treed area before they notice -- but no before someone walked into one of those trees.
Chilliwack summer of '94 BOTC.
The Sgt and WO have been teaching us drill all morning. Some of us (not me of course ;D) were having some coordination troubles which the DS were enjoying immensly. Finally things are starting to look good. Now it's time to learn "change step." Probably the most useless of movements ever invented unless everyone is out of step to begin with. Of course, we're all feeling pretty good about ourselves by this time.
Sgt: "CHANGE STEP!"
Most of us do it without wiping out, but one recruit in the middle of the pack did some type of hop skip and jumps about 1 foot in the air above all of our heads. There's some chuckles and whispering from the DS and the order is given again. Sure enough, the recruit jumps about a foot in the air. This time the chuckles are pretty loud. Third time's a charm I guess because we hear once more, "CHANGE STEP!" And again, the gazelle jumps. Well, now the DS are making no effort about hiding their amusement are are literally holding each other up because they are laughing so hard. They are so overwhelmed that they almost forget about us as we march smartly off the parade square onto the grass and lightly treed area before they notice -- but no before someone walked into one of those trees.
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 410
This one isnt as funny as it is one of those moments where you feel sorry for the parties engaging in the conversation for wasting the last 20 seconds of their life...
Pte. - MCpl, Im not feeling all that great
MCpl. - What, you gonna die?
Pte. - No, MCpl
MCpl. - Good, because i never gave you permission to die
Pte. - MCpl. can i go see the medics?
MCpl. - They dont give permission to die Pte., only chits saying you're capable of it!
Pte. - Permission to die MCpl?
MCpl. - No...
Pte. Yes Mcpl.
Pte. - MCpl, Im not feeling all that great
MCpl. - What, you gonna die?
Pte. - No, MCpl
MCpl. - Good, because i never gave you permission to die
Pte. - MCpl. can i go see the medics?
MCpl. - They dont give permission to die Pte., only chits saying you're capable of it!
Pte. - Permission to die MCpl?
MCpl. - No...
Pte. Yes Mcpl.
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 110
Ah, these are funny.
Some of my own..
Sgt: "Pte! Do you have a 14 inch xxxxxxx? ...around?"
And that joke went on throughout the course, that Pte became known as "xxxxxxxxxx".
Same Sgt: "Don't look at me with love in your eyes and **** in your pants.."
Heard that one many times from him.
Same Sgt once again: "Get in there you bunch of christmas hams!"
After the "go" during change parade.
Some of my own..
Sgt: "Pte! Do you have a 14 inch xxxxxxx? ...around?"
And that joke went on throughout the course, that Pte became known as "xxxxxxxxxx".
Same Sgt: "Don't look at me with love in your eyes and **** in your pants.."
Heard that one many times from him.
Same Sgt once again: "Get in there you bunch of christmas hams!"
After the "go" during change parade.
- Reaction score
- 9
- Points
- 230
TQ 3 Inf. morning room inspection.
Sgt. - Pte. ****** , those welts on your boots are filthy. Did you polish them.
Pte. - No Sgt. how do you do that?
Sgt. - With a toothbrush & polish.
*Next day*
Morning room inspection. While inspecting the toiletry drawer.
Sgt. - Pte. ******, where's your toothbrush?
Pte. - Used it to do me boots.
Sgt. - What did you brush your teeth with?
Pte. - Me toothbrush ( he answered with a black toothed smile ).
*Everyone lost it.*
Sgt. - Pte. ****** , those welts on your boots are filthy. Did you polish them.
Pte. - No Sgt. how do you do that?
Sgt. - With a toothbrush & polish.
*Next day*
Morning room inspection. While inspecting the toiletry drawer.
Sgt. - Pte. ******, where's your toothbrush?
Pte. - Used it to do me boots.
Sgt. - What did you brush your teeth with?
Pte. - Me toothbrush ( he answered with a black toothed smile ).
*Everyone lost it.*
R
rcd33b
Guest
Platoon of Marines being inspected in middle of intensive, desert warfare training exercise, Mojave Desert, Calif. GySgt and Lt walking between ranks, young Marine next to me begins to sway back and forth, very pale, shaking. Gunny grabs his pack strap, holding him up, and yells at me "Grab that rifle," which I did, now holding the fainting Marines rifle, plus my own. Gunny promptly lets go of the pack strap, and young Marine hits the sand, face first. Gunny and Lt step over Marine, Gunny yelling "that rifle might save your life, that body in the sand will not, keep your priorities straight in combat!"
It was not a funny moment, in view of the point he was making, but it was so typical of the NCO's we had in that era in the Corps (early 70's, many Vietnam combat vets). We did chuckle later on. The Marine who had fainted was immediately tended to by a Navy Corpsman. Heat prostration was taken very seriously.
It was not a funny moment, in view of the point he was making, but it was so typical of the NCO's we had in that era in the Corps (early 70's, many Vietnam combat vets). We did chuckle later on. The Marine who had fainted was immediately tended to by a Navy Corpsman. Heat prostration was taken very seriously.
Sgt "Pte did you iron your combats today"
Pte "of course i did Sgt"
Sgt " what did you take pointers from Fred Flinstone and use two hot rocks"
Pte "no Sgt i used two cold ones cant afford heat where i live"
The he commented on my boots
Sgt " did you polish those today"
Pte "yes i did Sgt but i am standing dirt"
Pte "of course i did Sgt"
Sgt " what did you take pointers from Fred Flinstone and use two hot rocks"
Pte "no Sgt i used two cold ones cant afford heat where i live"
The he commented on my boots
Sgt " did you polish those today"
Pte "yes i did Sgt but i am standing dirt"
- Reaction score
- 0
- Points
- 210
Back when I did CL in 2003 in Vernon, I was in the mess waiting to hand in my dirty dishes,
the plates were stacked up, high (about 2 and 1/2 ft. High) And what this Staff Cadet (think he was WO.) did was stack just one more on top, and sure enough they all came crashing down with a huge crash. Now to top it off this is the dialouge that took place shortly after
Staff Cadet: (Very rude tone) Hey dishwaher clean this mess up
Dishwasher: Excuse Me! You can talk to my supervisor
Shortly after he was being jacked up by the Dishwasher, Chef of the Kitchen, A Capt. and my (then) Platoon Commander (then) a 2Lt.
Needles to say, I dont think anyone saw him around there again
the plates were stacked up, high (about 2 and 1/2 ft. High) And what this Staff Cadet (think he was WO.) did was stack just one more on top, and sure enough they all came crashing down with a huge crash. Now to top it off this is the dialouge that took place shortly after
Staff Cadet: (Very rude tone) Hey dishwaher clean this mess up
Dishwasher: Excuse Me! You can talk to my supervisor
Shortly after he was being jacked up by the Dishwasher, Chef of the Kitchen, A Capt. and my (then) Platoon Commander (then) a 2Lt.
Needles to say, I dont think anyone saw him around there again
