Spouse's Concerns

[tourwife]

Your unit rear party is usually of far more assistance to spouses than the MFRC, which is essentially a 9-5 business, with very little capacity or desire to work outside of this time frame.
[/quote]

I find your advice of great concern.  I'm a military wife, and I also work with the MFRC at the Deployment Support Centre.  Although yes, we are only open 8-5, myself working the 9-5 shift, we have a Sgt who is on duty 24/7 and obviously is more then capable of dealing with the military dealings that are sometimes faced by spouses left behind.  We are centralliy located so that spouses who do not wish to go to their husbands home units can go somewhere that is nuetral and less intimidating then the units sometimes put off.  All that work within the DSC are dressed in civy attire.  We do our callouts to families, have a space for the families to come in and talk; coffee is always on, a play area for the children, computers with internet access so families can e-mail, and most importantly a variety of activities on a monthly basis.  Families can drop mail off for overseas, and we have all the material needed for sending parcels.  MFRC's across Canada are really taking the lead on creating a place for families so they don't have to feel intimidated when walking into their spouse's unit.  Wives, husbands, and other family members are more then welcome to use our services.

 

[CdnArtyWife]

Your unit rear party is usually of far more assistance to spouses than the MFRC, which is essentially a 9-5 business, with very little capacity or desire to work outside of this time frame.


I find your advice of great concern.  I'm a military wife, and I also work with the MFRC at the Deployment Support Centre.  Although yes, we are only open 8-5, myself working the 9-5 shift, we have a Sgt who is on duty 24/7 and obviously is more then capable of dealing with the military dealings that are sometimes faced by spouses left behind.  We are centralliy located so that spouses who do not wish to go to their husbands home units can go somewhere that is nuetral and less intimidating then the units sometimes put off.  All that work within the DSC are dressed in civy attire.   We do our callouts to families, have a space for the families to come in and talk; coffee is always on, a play area for the children, computers with internet access so families can e-mail, and most importantly a variety of activities on a monthly basis.  Families can drop mail off for overseas, and we have all the material needed for sending parcels.  MFRC's across Canada are really taking the lead on creating a place for families so they don't have to feel intimidated when walking into their spouse's unit.  Wives, husbands, and other family members are more then welcome to use our services.

To add to that, it has been my experience that not all units are so readily willing and/or capable of supporting the families left at home. The units that do, go above and beyond, but those that don't give off a callous air, one that says "we don't care, fend for yourself."

Many spouses, male or female, left behind during course, exercise or deployment try their darnedest to manage on their own. Often times, just knowing the MFRC is there is peace of mind, even if they never have to use it. MFRCs were established as a neutral entity, not within the chain of command, that could provide resources and services so that military families can support themselves in an environment that is not as intimidating as unit HQ. They are not meant to be a crutch (though some use it as that), and the main goal is to promote resourcefullness and resilience within the military community.

Rear parties are good, unit support is good, MFRC's are good, but the onus is on all of us to learn how to cope in the best way we can, and we are provided with the tools and resources to do so from several military and community agencies.

 

[Springroll]

To add to that, it has been my experience that not all units are so readily willing and/or capable of supporting the families left at home. The units that do, go above and beyond, but those that don't give off a callous air, one that says "we don't care, fend for yourself."

Many spouses, male or female, left behind during course, exercise or deployment try their darnedest to manage on their own. Often times, just knowing the MFRC is there is peace of mind, even if they never have to use it.

This is so true!!
I have found the MFRC to be an incredible resource and a wonderful support during times when I felt alone and forgotten by my husband's ship.
They have gone way beyond in their assistance to us when my husband was gone and we had 2 deaths in our family within 24 hours.They are a fantastic resource and without them I don't know what I, or many other spouses, would do.

 

[GO!!!]

To add to that, it has been my experience that not all units are so readily willing and/or capable of supporting the families left at home. The units that do, go above and beyond, but those that don't give off a callous air, one that says "we don't care, fend for yourself."

This is very true, but the same callous and indifferent air is often apparent with the MFRC staff, especially if your emergency happens at 1550 on a friday. My wife was actually referred to my unit rear party, by the MFRC staff, who were all on their way out the door. The unit did a great job, no complaints there, but the MFRC should not be viewed as some sort of benevolent organisation, it is a cadre of federal government employees, many times with little vested interest or association with the military beyond their working hours.

Also;
-The MFRC sold kids t-shirts and other small items during Op Apollo. They never arrived.
-Packages left at the MFRC for "free" delivery sat in a back room until after leave, when they were returned to us at the unit. We were told that the MFRC staff "forgot"
-MFRC staff (including the director) never, ever answer their phones or return phone calls. Conversely, the unit rear party was more than willing to put you on the line with the OC of rear party, or the family support Sgt, to answer what questions you had. Their cell was always on.

The MFRCs very well might do some good work, but my experiences with them have left me with the impression that this is an organisation that exists only to provide support to people who are willing to stand in front of them and demand it, they may be beneficial for spouses who are homemakers, and live on the base, but if you work, or live off base, they close their doors at 1600, too bad for you.

 

[Springroll]

This is very true, but the same callous and indifferent air is often apparent with the MFRC staff, especially if your emergency happens at 1550 on a The MFRCs very well might do some good work, but my experiences with them have left me with the impression that this is an organisation that exists only to provide support to people who are willing to stand in front of them and demand it, they may be beneficial for spouses who are homemakers, and live on the base, but if you work, or live off base, they close their doors at 1600, too bad for you.

We live off base and have never had any issues getting in contact with someone there. When we required emergency respite care, they had someone arranged within the hour, and they were at my house the next morning at 5am.

This sounds more like it may be the particular MFRC in your area. I know the one in Victoria wasn't near as great as the one out here in Hfx but I have not had any problems with getting in touch with anyone there.

 

[BillN]

GO! wrote: "I would not expect a civilian husband to be very well recieved at the MFRC, as they do a marginal job (here in edmonton anyway) of supporting the spouses of deployed troops."

This is VERY true, I'm the "ex-military" side of the relationship these days.  When my wife deployed on HMCS Winnipeg to the Gulf the MFRC in Victoria was next to useless.  No information flowed my way, though I know it went to the wives, just as I was never told of any of the briefings the wives received to keep them up to date.  Lucky for me I knew where to find the MFRC website and read everything I needed to know !

Now that we're posted to Kingston I find the MFRC here just as bad, they are not geared up to help the husbands of serving members what so ever.

Bill

 

[camochick]

I've heard too many horror stories about the MFRC to go there (just recently heard a story where a wife went there for the first time for some baby and me meeting and everyone shunned her and sat their gossping about everyone else, she said it was too cliqey). Plus I am one of the ones who lives off base so their hours just dont fit into my schedule. I have however had an awesome experience with my husbands rear party family support. I can call there for just about anything and they will answer my question. We had an emergency right after my husband left for the ghan and they had him on the phone within an hour.
Perhaps the MFRC's are great, but I guess I just dont have any use for it right now, and if i wanted my business talked about all over base, i would put up a billboard!
I guess people just have to find what works for them when their loved one is gone, either the MFRC or the battalion family support.  >

 

[GO!!!]

My proposal would be to cut the MFRCs budget by about 50-75%, and give that money to the rear party of the deployed unit(s), for spending as the Rear Pty OC saw fit.

This would remove the 9-5 civvies from the equation and replace them with actual soldiers, whose intimate knowledge of what is going on, whose wife he is speaking with, and knowing that he will have to face hubby when he comes home in a few months.

I guarantee that Cpl Broken Ankle on rear party will not tell a wife to call back on monday. He will deal with it, or he will stay on the phone until he finds someone who can.

IME, the biggest "worry" for the spouses is the sheer amount of questions. "Where is he sleeping?, Why can he only call for ten minutes at a time, and only at 0330? What was that press release?" The MFRC has no staff even remotely qualified to answer these questions, while the Unit rear party does. The money going to the unit would enable 2 or 3 family support vehicles, a 24hour hotline to a soldier from the deployed unit, regular updates, meetings at times when working spouses can attend etc.

 

[camochick]

GO, I agree with you. My husband's rear party has gone above and beyond what I ever expected of them. It is reasurring to know that I can call them with any concern I have and they will find the answer right then and there. They also host weekly events for the spouses and send out regular emails to let us know what is going on. And it certainly makes me feel better that these people are actually in the forces and know what is going on, for the most part.  >

 

[tourwife]

It goes without saying that someone including myself is going to have a bad experience with an MFRC at some point.  The gossiping that goes with it is the gossip of military wives no matter what base you go on.  The fact is, if you're not a cheating wife, a snobby, stuck up person, and you do your best to get along with your neighbours, you have next to nothing to worry about.  There are always going to be cliques.

Not going into an MFRC based on "what you've heard" doesn't qualify you to give an answer on the services or the friendliness of a place.  Don't judge the employees based on the wives that go there and where their husbands rank.  Although it's unfortunate that these mindless people exist, there's no way that staff can regulate it.

I can't speak for every MFRC, but I can say that the MFRC in Edmonton has a military member working there 24/7.  He's physically in the office between 8-4, but otherwise carries a cell phone on him that is on every minute of the day.  He works for the Deployment Support Centre and NOT the MFRC.  He's his own boss, and therefore the only time he needs to answer to the director is pretty much when booking rooms, or when it comes to using the funding or the MFRC name.

Kingston, and Petawawa are coming along way with their MFRC from what I've seen recently.  Although I have never been to Kingston, I was posted to Pet for 5 years, been through 2 tours there, and a couple of courses.  I didn't get the support there at the time that was needed from a wife's prospective, although I did volunteer there.  They are making long strides to help in the deployment side of things.

It's sad to say the least that not every base can follow in these footsteps and provide the same resources.  It is however nice to hear that some units are picking up the slack and taking care of their families.

 

[George Wallace]

I can't speak for every MFRC, but I can say that the MFRC in Edmonton has a military member working there 24/7.  He's physically in the office between 8-4, but otherwise carries a cell phone on him that is on every minute of the day.  He works for the Deployment Support Centre and NOT the MFRC.  He's his own boss, and therefore the only time he needs to answer to the director is pretty much when booking rooms, or when it comes to using the funding or the MFRC name.

This is where you are wrong and you contradict yourself.  You say that the Edmonton MFRC has a military member working 24 and 7 and then you go on to say that he works for the Deployment Support Centre and NOT the MFRC.  The Deployment Support Centre is not part of the MFRC and it is manned by pers from the Deployed Units 24 and 7.  For Spouses of Deployed Pers, there are three organizations for support: the Unit and its' Rear Party, the Bde Deployment Support Centre, and the MFRC.

The degree of support one receives from any organization is only as good as the people who are doing that support.  In some cases you have people who can competently do the job with care and compassion, and in others you have people who just don't care about anything but the paycheck.

The MFRCs and Deployment Support Centres came about because of the differences and hardships that many Rear Parties had in fulfilling their role.  Some Units were very capable of performing the job, while others were not.  Usually a large Unit was able to do a better job than a small Unit.  Some Units were only two or three man Detachments.  Even the large Units became strained after multiple Deployments.  In the end, the creation of more Resources, for the Spouses and families left behind, has greatly improved the situation from what it was before any of these existed.

 

[tourwife]

I find it interesting how you seem to know so much about nothing at all.  I work for the MFRC IN the DEPLOYMENT SUPPORT CENTRE, therefore I do know what I'm talking about.  The DSC does not work for the MFRC, but they are in the MFRC and are partially manned by military and civy members.  It is not manned by deployed units at all.  Each unit has an FSS (Family Support Officer) and it's own rear party, which works with the DSC to plan events that is both DSC and MFRC.

 

[George Wallace]

I find it interesting how you seem to know so much about nothing at all.  I work for the MFRC IN the DEPLOYMENT SUPPORT CENTRE, therefore I do know what I'm talking about.  The DSC does not work for the MFRC, but they are in the MFRC and are partially manned by military and civy members.  It is not manned by deployed units at all.  Each unit has an FSS (Family Support Officer) and it's own rear party, which works with the DSC to plan events that is both DSC and MFRC.

REALLY!  I am soo glad that you are the CF wide SME.    :

 

[GO!!!]

REALLY!  I am soo glad that you are the CF wide SME.    :

+1

tourwife, it is indeed strange how the wives of some members believe that they derive some sort of special knowledge or authority in military affairs from the station of their husband...

 

[tourwife]

+1

tourwife, it is indeed strange how the wives of some members believe that they derive some sort of special knowledge or authority in military affairs from the station of their husband...

As stated, it has nothing to do with my husbands military affairs, it has to do with working there.  And as stated earlier, I don't quote to know what EVERY mfrc does, just what the Edmonton MFRC does.

 

[DraketheDuck]

+1

tourwife, it is indeed strange how the wives of some members believe that they derive some sort of special knowledge or authority in military affairs from the station of their husband...

Don't let my wife hear you say that!  Fact is in our house, she usually does know more about what is going on in most areas that affect our family, in regard to this stuff than I do.  Hate to admit it, but it is true.

 

[Chimo]

This has turned into a discussion, it seems on the usefulness of the MFRCs. How soon things change around. I have lived in the time before MFRCs and through the growing pains of the organization to what it is today. Is any MFRC perfect,no. Do they provide a meaningful service, yes.

I too, was a naysayer at one time. I was complaining about the service or more accurately the lack of service at a particular MFRC. The person I spoke to challenged me to join the Board of Directors and make a difference. I am a serving member of a deployable unit but took on the challenge anyway. It was very rewarding and a great learning experience.

GO, I wonder when you saw, heard or experienced the shortcoming of the MFRC what your immediate action was? Did you pick up the phone or visit the Centre and speak to the person responsible for that service? Did you call the Executive Director? Did you speak with the Chair of the Board of Directors? I am sure if you had an issue in your unit you would seek to rectify it using the appropriate person. I personally know many of the people working at the Edmonton MFRC, they are a dedicated bunch that work very hard. They are not, generally speaking military spouses, so there is a learning curve attached to things they do. Do they only work 8-5, no. I seem to remember them at DAGs as we flew off to Afghanistan and when we arrived back whatever the hour.

I am particularly tired of the worn out phrase, " if the Army wanted you to have a wife..." that is horse-shit and does not reflect our present military. Spouse bring added value to a soldiers life and put up with much more any ANY spouse should. Our military has an obligation to offer the best support possible to our spouses and our families. Happy families generally make a happy soldier.

So in summary, if you have an issue with the MFRC you can 1. sit and whine, or 2 go and try and solve it and perhaps educate yourself and the person at the MFRC on how to deal with the issue. 

 

[TCBF]

My experience - or, more to the point, my wife's experience - with the Edmonton MFRC wasduring Op APOLLO when I was in Kandahar.  Essentially, they were outclassed by the Regtl Fam Sup Cells, and spent too much of their time trying to prove their relevance - which is NIL.  When the Tarnak Farm bombing happened, the MFRC did nothing to start the phone calls to the wives who were watching the story on TV, but had no word about their husbands.  The chain 'it wasn't yours' phone calls made after the NOK notifications did NOT happen.

MFRC is a waste of time, put the money back into the Regimental Family Support Troop where it belongs.



Tom

 

[Centurian1985]

Staying more on topic about advice for wives of service-members (or husbands of service-members):

The soldiers in the CF have a high divorce rate.  I cant support the fact that it is higher than on the civilian side with statistics, and will admit Im wrong, but it appears that it is.  So you might want to tell your spouse the following (based on what my wife tells me she learned, and on what I heard from other couples, and a few 'deal-breakers'):

1) if you dont like the military or the things the military does, dont marry a soldier, and dont get married just because they are going away on tour!
2) expect seperations; lengthy, often, and occasionally to interesting parts of the world where your bastard spouse will suntan and drink a lot of alcohol.
3) if you are still single when you get in, never get married until your spouse has suffered through at least one tour; if he/she is still around wehen you get back then he/she is a 'keeper'.
4) if you are single, dont marry a spouse who doesnt know how to control money, or doesnt want to learn how.
5) a spouse will need to 'readjust' when they get back from a tour; expect horniness, and difficulty in treating important that which they see as minor issues.
6) never say anything nasty over the phone to your spouse when you or they are in a foreign country and cant call back for a week.
7) dont invent problems so that the spouse will be sent home on compassionate leave, there are enough real-life emergencies to worry about.
8) learn to stand on your own 2 feet, your spouse cant come home and fix it so you'll have to fix it yourself.
9) your spouse is not going to change trades just to keep you happy, they'll change trades when they are ready.
10) birthdays and other special events WILL be missed; thats what phones, email and cards are for.

I was lucky, my ladybird stuck by me for my whole career! (despite 2, 3, 5, 6, 8, and 10!!)

 

[angeie]

I agree, many MFRC's are great and some need a little work!