The girlfriend being weird?
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Eye In The Sky
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Pick what your #1 priority is, her or the CF. Focus on that. It doesn't sound like you'd be willing to give up your chance to join, so you probably know the answer to that.
I am not saying ignore her, just remember to keep your focus on the steak, and not the peas.
I am not saying ignore her, just remember to keep your focus on the steak, and not the peas.
Jarnhamar
Army.ca Myth
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It's funny but then it turns to sad very quickly.
So many young guys and girls go away on course, tasking or even deploy overseas and all they do the whole time is argue over silly things with their significant other. Every day they are texting away like mad every night their on the phone fighting.
Where some people have the time of their life on course or a fun tasking, the only memories they walk away with are of fighting and arguing.
The real sad part is that at the end of the summer they walk away with a few thousand dollar phone bill and often enough, they end up breaking up with their other half anyways.
A friend of mine is dating a girl whos even IN the army and she still gives him a stupid hard time over being away on ex when she should know better.
She will keep him up until 4 am fighting because he called her half an hour late however she will turn around and call him 4 or 5 hours late, drunk at a "girls night out" party with her ex boyfriend present.
It's not worth the hassle.
So many young guys and girls go away on course, tasking or even deploy overseas and all they do the whole time is argue over silly things with their significant other. Every day they are texting away like mad every night their on the phone fighting.
Where some people have the time of their life on course or a fun tasking, the only memories they walk away with are of fighting and arguing.
The real sad part is that at the end of the summer they walk away with a few thousand dollar phone bill and often enough, they end up breaking up with their other half anyways.
A friend of mine is dating a girl whos even IN the army and she still gives him a stupid hard time over being away on ex when she should know better.
She will keep him up until 4 am fighting because he called her half an hour late however she will turn around and call him 4 or 5 hours late, drunk at a "girls night out" party with her ex boyfriend present.
It's not worth the hassle.
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Here's my 2 cents, for what it is worth.
When my dh is getting ready for deployment, course, whatever, I always pick the fight. When he comes home, it is his turn to pick the fight. We like to call it pre/post deployment crap. It happens, but we have come to recognize it and realize what we are doing. Now, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen, but at least we know what is going on.
I quite often feel abandoned when he leaves. Yep, it's stupid but that is how I feel. But we joined as a family, made the decision to go on tours, courses and all that good stuff together (as much as the spouse can make those decisions) so I am fully aware of what it means to be an "army wife". I can deal and understand that I am not the first priority in his life, I sit past work, past our kid and if I am being really awful the dogs out rank me as well. I'm okay with that and understand that. Do I really want to be the first priority when he is holding a gun somewhere and his life may be in the balance? Or learning how to use new weapons, medical kit, etc? Nope. I want him home safely and I want him well trained.
This is new for both of you. Cut her a bit of slack, have a conversation about basic and what it means to you. If she can accept the challenge, give it a try. But don't let anyone stand in your way of your career. This life is not for everyone, but it is a great life if you let yourself go with the flow and enjoy the challenges.
When my dh is getting ready for deployment, course, whatever, I always pick the fight. When he comes home, it is his turn to pick the fight. We like to call it pre/post deployment crap. It happens, but we have come to recognize it and realize what we are doing. Now, that doesn't mean it doesn't happen, but at least we know what is going on.
I quite often feel abandoned when he leaves. Yep, it's stupid but that is how I feel. But we joined as a family, made the decision to go on tours, courses and all that good stuff together (as much as the spouse can make those decisions) so I am fully aware of what it means to be an "army wife". I can deal and understand that I am not the first priority in his life, I sit past work, past our kid and if I am being really awful the dogs out rank me as well. I'm okay with that and understand that. Do I really want to be the first priority when he is holding a gun somewhere and his life may be in the balance? Or learning how to use new weapons, medical kit, etc? Nope. I want him home safely and I want him well trained.
This is new for both of you. Cut her a bit of slack, have a conversation about basic and what it means to you. If she can accept the challenge, give it a try. But don't let anyone stand in your way of your career. This life is not for everyone, but it is a great life if you let yourself go with the flow and enjoy the challenges.
daftandbarmy
Army.ca Dinosaur
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simysmom99 said:
Well said!
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Sorry to sound just terrible, but you also must factor in that your a short trip away from Montreal. >
Think you could behave yourself if you guys did stay together?
Think you could behave yourself if you guys did stay together?
Just a few points.
1. Not really sure why you would pose this qestion on this forum. To me, it would seem more appropriate to seek advice from someone closer to you who has better understanding of the dynamics of your personal situation. Only you know what the best decision for you is and that would be dependant on your ages, how long you have been together, both of your maturity levels, etc, etc.. and what both your plans for the future are.
2. It takes a very special woman to be married/together to/with a member of the CF. it is not a lifestyle for everyone. This may be the first indication that it is not a lifestyle conducive to you and your girlfriend. You probably already know what you need to do.
3. My kudos to all the wives/girlfriends who support us in what we do. I know my wife has made me the person that I am today and I am grateful that she has stood beside me for the last 20 years.
1. Not really sure why you would pose this qestion on this forum. To me, it would seem more appropriate to seek advice from someone closer to you who has better understanding of the dynamics of your personal situation. Only you know what the best decision for you is and that would be dependant on your ages, how long you have been together, both of your maturity levels, etc, etc.. and what both your plans for the future are.
2. It takes a very special woman to be married/together to/with a member of the CF. it is not a lifestyle for everyone. This may be the first indication that it is not a lifestyle conducive to you and your girlfriend. You probably already know what you need to do.
3. My kudos to all the wives/girlfriends who support us in what we do. I know my wife has made me the person that I am today and I am grateful that she has stood beside me for the last 20 years.
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For the record, not all women are crazy...
While I'm a reservist, I've spent plenty of time away from home... the best (worst) was 21 months out of 24.
Despite getting rather depressed when I'm getting ready to go away, she has stood by me, we do NOT get into arguments about silly things before i depart, nor while I'm away, and she's always been there to pick me up at the airport (Even at extremely late hours, despite me repeatedly telling her "No, really, don't pick me up at 3:00AM, the army is happy to pay for a cab, stay in your warm bed, I'll come to you)
If she's giving you this nonsense already, it's only going to get worse, and if you have to wonder if it's worth it, then it's not. Drop her, move on.
While I'm a reservist, I've spent plenty of time away from home... the best (worst) was 21 months out of 24.
Despite getting rather depressed when I'm getting ready to go away, she has stood by me, we do NOT get into arguments about silly things before i depart, nor while I'm away, and she's always been there to pick me up at the airport (Even at extremely late hours, despite me repeatedly telling her "No, really, don't pick me up at 3:00AM, the army is happy to pay for a cab, stay in your warm bed, I'll come to you)
If she's giving you this nonsense already, it's only going to get worse, and if you have to wonder if it's worth it, then it's not. Drop her, move on.
lou-reed said:
What other varied source that has experienced all of the above issues is there?
Why does he have to go to someone closer to him who has better understanding of the dynamics of his personal situation? Is his a special case or something? All I see are normal dynamics of a relationship that is not balanced.
Then you turn around and say the same thing everybody else has been telling.....pick priorities..... :
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GAP said:Then you turn around and say the same thing everybody else has been telling.....pick priorities..... :
+1
..beat me to it.
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Three guys in my basic course went through the same thing..
One broke it off before leaving - they are now married 4 years later.
Another tried to keep it together throughout basic, wasted a lot of time thinking about it than actually enjoying the course, and despite the efforts, are no longer together. He regrets not breaking it off beforehand.
And the third spent mindless hours after lights out on his cell trying to keep it together. They are now married and have offspring.
So, I suppose it depends on your determination and or level of willingness to spend much needed emotional credits.
Good luck man.. I feel for ya.
One broke it off before leaving - they are now married 4 years later.
Another tried to keep it together throughout basic, wasted a lot of time thinking about it than actually enjoying the course, and despite the efforts, are no longer together. He regrets not breaking it off beforehand.
And the third spent mindless hours after lights out on his cell trying to keep it together. They are now married and have offspring.
So, I suppose it depends on your determination and or level of willingness to spend much needed emotional credits.
Good luck man.. I feel for ya.
GAP said:
First off, I did not tell him tell him to pick priorities...I said that he probably already knows what to do. If you want to infer that to mean to pick priorities, that is your call. If I did turn around and tell him something it was to seek advice from someone close.
Second, I do not know this guy so I do not know if his case is special or not? Maybe it is - how do you know otherwise? Maybe it is a case of normal dynamics but until one has first hand knowledge of the situation only assumptions can be made. We all know what happens when assumptions are made.
He certainly does not have to go to someone closer to him for advice. He can seek advice from whoever he wants to. However, in my opinion, a close friend or family member who has first hand knowledge of this situation would be better suited to give him advice on the specific problems of his relationship. If you disagree with me that is fine - we are all entitled to our opinions.
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This conversation reminds me of a little story.
I know this guy, broke it off with his girlfriend before his trip to the sandbox. Ends up getting wounded. He gets home to Canada and wants to see her. She comes to see him, with a new boyfriend. Over time they realize they should be together, and they are now married.
Some things are meant to be
I know this guy, broke it off with his girlfriend before his trip to the sandbox. Ends up getting wounded. He gets home to Canada and wants to see her. She comes to see him, with a new boyfriend. Over time they realize they should be together, and they are now married.
Some things are meant to be
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Fireball said:
Good I idea mate. For the record thats what I have done with that very same assumption. If it meant to be, it can wait a year or so. We broke up last night actually. Oh well.
Good luck bud!
Kyle
lou-reed said:
Sorry it took so long to make a reply here. My internet has not been working
This seems like the best place to ask about experiences as a lot of people have been through it. My friends and family have not been through this kind of thing.
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+1 to that.
The army loses too many good dudes because girlfriends get emotional and guys get stressed enough to quit. And besides, she'll be banging Jodie two weeks into course anyways so you'd might as well cut her off now.
There are lots of girls out there who get their white picket fence fantasy crushed by army life. When you've found one that genuinely supports what you want to do, you'll know.
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Everyone here's been giving good advice, and I really don't have much to add.
When I joined in the dim, dark past, I broke it off with my then-boyfriend. I didn't think a long distance relationship, at the grand old age of 18 was very good for either of us. We wrote back and forth for over a year - friendly, newsy letters-no e-mail in the 1960's! Finally we completely drifted apart. 17 years later, we were back together, 18 years later we were married, and he took on father-roll to my then 3 year old son. Its been a great marriage, and he and Son are the best of friends.
If its meant to be, you can't do a darn thing to stop it, and if it isn't meant to be, nothing you can do will keep the relationship going forever. My $.02 worth.
Hawk
When I joined in the dim, dark past, I broke it off with my then-boyfriend. I didn't think a long distance relationship, at the grand old age of 18 was very good for either of us. We wrote back and forth for over a year - friendly, newsy letters-no e-mail in the 1960's! Finally we completely drifted apart. 17 years later, we were back together, 18 years later we were married, and he took on father-roll to my then 3 year old son. Its been a great marriage, and he and Son are the best of friends.
If its meant to be, you can't do a darn thing to stop it, and if it isn't meant to be, nothing you can do will keep the relationship going forever. My $.02 worth.
Hawk
daftandbarmy
Army.ca Dinosaur
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When all else fails, contact Tech Support:
Dear Technical Support,
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better.
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with Free Sex Plus and Cleanhouse2005. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch Turbo Strop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother In Law, which can't be turned off.
Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.
Help requested please
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
And the flip side...
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command: C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.
CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in- law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
Dear Technical Support,
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better.
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with Free Sex Plus and Cleanhouse2005. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch Turbo Strop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called Mother In Law, which can't be turned off.
Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.
Help requested please
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
And the flip side...
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the Flower and Jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Dear Desperate:
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command: C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1.
WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring Loudly.
CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in- law. This is not a supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Good Luck,
Tech Support
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