Things not to say in the CF...

[Timmy!]

As the title says....


Sergeant Major: Schultz you got three extras for your behaviour.

Schultz: I say 2 extras plus a Timmes.. final offer.

Sergeant Major: 4 extras, no Timmies and that's an order.




*Lesson learn. Don't try to hagel (sp?) the Sergeant Major out of extras.*


Regards,
Duty NCO Schultz
On Guard...

 

[rmc_wannabe]

MCpl - Did oyu polish those boots today troop?
Pte - no MCpl
MCpl - WTF? why'd you tell me that? 2 extras
Pte - Yes MCpl
MCpl - Troop, you need to learn the difference between telling the truth and screwing yourself over

 

[1feral1]

How about ' Hey Sir'..

That will draw atention.

 

[Sub_Guy]

On parade practice for the peace keepers parade in Esquimalt, a certain CPO2 Bosn inspecting (he is now a CPO1)..  Stupid answers from stupid people.... Either that or they were just looking to push his buttons.

CPO2:  When was the last time you polished those boots
OS: Two weeks ago Chief!


Another guy
CPO2: Holy *#it, ARE YOU CHEWING GUM?
OS: Yes Chief, but its ok Chief!  Its Nicorette!
CPO2: Do you see me here smoking? What makes you think you can chew gum in my drill shed.

And another
CPO2: Did you iron your shirt?
OS: No Chief!


Needless to say it was an entertaining practice/inspection.

 

[Harley Sailor]

A number of years ago a CPO2 told my brother in Law to get a hair cut before coming back from lunch.  We had a beer and he forgot. When the CPO2 seen him after lunch he said "OS I thought I told you to get a hair cut." He looked right at the CPO2 and said "I did chief, it's in my locker. Should I have put it on."  The CPO2 lost it.

 

[Rodahn]

Many years ago on a GOC's parade examining one of our sappers rifle's (the FN at the time)

Gen: Spr Bloggins you have little green men in your rifle... What are you going to to about them?

Spr Bloggins: Little green men Attention. Move to the right in file, by the front quick march......

Needless to say Sapper Bloggins had an all expense paid trip to Edmonton.....

 

[medicineman]

Area CWO bellowed at me across the square in Victoria one evening - but, as he just yelled "Hey You", I carried on what I was doing.  2 minutes later, he came barrelling purple faced into the office I was working in.

A/CWO - "Don't you acknowledge someone when they yell "Hey You" across the square?"

Baby MM - "Sir, I have rank on my arms and a nametag on my chest, if you can't be bothered to use either, I have to assume you're not talking to me, so no."

I would have become a green creamsicle if my CSM hadn't heard what was going on and started playing duelling pacesticks.

MM

 

[ENGINEERS WIFE]

Addressing a WO..... hey, whoa, like when trying to stop a horse, not good  :-X :-\

 

[fbr2o75]

RSM:  Pick a number between 13 and 15 MCPL

Me:    14 Sir

RSM:  Thats how many extras you have MCPL



RV        85

 

[Kat Stevens]

on basic- "That's not how we did it in cadets"
On TQ5A-  "That's not how we do it in the regiment"
in the regiment- "That's not what we were taught on TQ3"

 

[HItorMiss]

"Hey watch this!"

Said during a basic Demolitions course...

 

[goodform]

"No YOU are wrong Sgts Major!"

Self righteous subby to angered CSM...

 

[joonrooj]

Sergeant (on inspection): Why are you laughing? Do you think I am funny?
Stupid troopaloop: Yes Sergeant.

 

[Timmy!]

Parade Practice in Gagetown few years ago.




Right Marker (Cpl RCD) to the RSM (PPCLI) : "RSM, on me." *Gives the "On me/head tap" hand signal.

 

[Gunner98]

WO (who stutters badly) to Gunner,"What did-ddiddn't you you under fkkkking stand? Did I stttttutterrrr?"
Gunner, "As a matter of fact, yes."
WO, "You seeeee thhhat handspikeeee Gunnerrrr, graaaab ittt and sttttarttt fkkkn'in runninnnng."

 

[Timmy!]

Marching up and down the parade square

 

[Old Sweat]

Self as officer cadet during lecture on 3.5-in rocket launcher. The instructor was quizzing the class on effective ranges and pointed at me and barked, "tanks." To which I answered, "you're welcome."

The next little while was spent running around the block with my rifle held over my head, but even after almost six decades, it still was worth it.

 

[Shamrock]

The next little while was spent running around the block with my rifle held over my head, but even after almost six decades, it still was worth it.

I think you can stop running now.

 

[Bane]

If you are an Ocdt on course, never answer a query by a WO or above using only their last name. 
*Example:
WO - "Officer Cadet Smith!?"  (with great urgency)
Ocdt - "What would you like Jenkins?" (with nothing even remotely associated with a sense of urgency)


*Names have been changed to protect the guilty
I must admit this little gem slipped out by total accident as I was occupied when called, however, immediately afterwards a feeling of barely describable dread shook my being to it's core. Definitely a "Alright brain, what have you gotten us into this time brain?" type moment.

 

[benny88]

Self as officer cadet during lecture on 3.5-in rocket launcher. The instructor was quizzing the class on effective ranges and pointed at me and barked, "tanks." To which I answered, "you're welcome."

The next little while was spent running around the block with my rifle held over my head, but even after almost six decades, it still was worth it.

:rofl: That's pretty priceless.