Things not to say in the CF...

[Kat Stevens]

Another name tag story:  4CER DEU parade, a certain Cpl breaks his name tag 10 mins before form up.  D**** Snow lends Cpl a name tag.  Cpl, thinking quick, decides two Snows in the same troop is a bit fishy.  Genius idea, put it on upside down!  So now we have a MCpl Snow, and a Cpl Mons standing next to each other.  Thank Jeebus the OC and CO were both new to the unit, as Cpl "Mons" was, ummmm, well known to the authorities.  As it was the reviewing party stopped and gabbed with, then took three trips past the Cpl, as an upside down W and a right side up M don't look anything alike.  Still didn't tumble to it.  "Good turnout, Cpl Mons". The whole Sqn upper Ech was cracking up by the end of the parade.  Cpl escaped a buttload of duties, too.

 

[Lumber]

BOTP
Capt: "Whose got a joke for me?"
-OCdt (Marksman) puts his hand up.
Capt: "If you ask me 'what's red and looks like a bucket', I swear to god...."
-OCdt (Marksman) pauses and thinks, then says: "What's red and looks like a bucket?"
Capt: "...."
-OCdt (Marksman): "A blue pale painted red, Sir!"
Captain points at the floor, OCdt Marksman proceeds to do push-ups.

 

[PMedMoe]

Another name tag one.

During PLQ, when we were getting tired of the endless inspections, a few people in our section decided to switch name tags, just for fun.  Of course, we got in trouble.
While we were signing our red chit forms, the MBdr says "You know, you may have lost out on the chance to be top student because of this."
The MS replies "I didn't even know I was in the running."
That MS got the top student on the course.

 

[time expired]

Pay parade in newly formed 4 Svc.Bn.,Cpl. McKenna,CSMs assistant,
ex QORofC, permanent Cpl.Cpl.McKenna is wearing running shoes
as he is excused boots because of medical problem.Coming to the
head of the line the paymaster enquires,"do you always get payed
in running shoes Cpl.Mckenna"?,without hesitation and with a perfectly
straight face Cpl. Mckenna replies," no sir usually Deutschmarks ".
True story,I was also there I was also present at the abovementioned
gas gas gas story,Happy days.
                                       Regards

 

[HItorMiss]

During a Bn Parade for the awarding inter coy sports trophies, one Coy had won 3 out of 4 championships those 3 teams all had the same OPI. On Cpl X's third trip up to receive a trophy

CO: Well Cpl X is there anything you don't do?

Cpl X: Well sir I don't do A**L.....

 

[PuckChaser]

Cpl X: Well sir I don't do A**L.....

That made my morning.  ;D

 

[Gunner98]

Junior Officer initiation in Germany always included all senior pers changing ranks and name tags with lower ranks.  On one particular occasion the CO (LCol) and Ops O (Capt) traded places for the day.  New Subbies are marched into the CO's office by Sr Subbie (me) and the 'CO' proceeds to tear strip off them and pontificate about the lower standards at the Arty School in Gagetown.  New subbies are marched out into the Stand Easy where everyone questions them on their first chat with the Old Man.  They say what a jerk he seems to be and then one pipes up that it must be some kind of joke because the CO's family pictures included one of black woman he referred to as his wife and she looked like a stripper.  The 'Ops O' pipes up and says fun's over - that's my office, my wife, she is and she was.


I was at a Meet and Greet BBQ at DCO's house with all officers and their ladies.  I was a new Subbie and  I was chatting with a Battery Commander (BC).  I commented on one particular older looking lady and said, "who brought their mother."  The BC did not skip a beat and says she with me, have you met my wife. It really was! :-[ 

 

[aesop081]

My JNCO course in Wainwright :

We were getting fucked around by the staff because we were sleeping on top of our beds instead of in them. They made us get into the sheets and were making us do drill in bed.

Cpl H : "Mcpl somethings on my mind "
Mcpl :" "What is it H ?
Cpl H : "I had a dream about you last night"
Mcpl : " What was it about ?"
Cpl H : "I had a dream that i had a moustache just like yours"   ( the MCpl had a handlebar moustacje)
MCpl : "is that so ?"
Cpl : " In my dream i could get over 300 chanels with that thing"

 

[medicineman]

Thinking of nametags, when I was on SLT in St Jean, one of my teachers kept screwin up my name and one of the girls in the class, somethinge about both starting with "K".  So one day we switched nametags, and oddly enough, she snapped, since it seems she'd been working on getting them right, did, then noticed that according to the tags, she'd screwed up - ended up with a half hour break while she regained her composure...

MM

 

[CrazyCanuck]

"I'm going to sue the Army! They can't do this too me!" One disgruntled Pte upon being told to carry a bunch of metal poles down a hill on SQ.

 

[Timmy!]

Thinking of nametags, when I was on SLT in St Jean, one of my teachers kept screwin up my name and one of the girls in the class, somethinge about both starting with "K".  So one day we switched nametags, and oddly enough, she snapped, since it seems she'd been working on getting them right, did, then noticed that according to the tags, she'd screwed up - ended up with a half hour break while she regained her composure...

MM

I think CP Gear should have a lend program when a unit can order (x) amount of Bloggins nametags just for parade use only. I think Mark at CP Gear needs to know this. It shuld be known as the "Bloggins Program". You just need a deposit first. And it's all set.  ;D

 

[Shec]

The date:  1974
The place:  Wainwright
My question of our course Sgt.:  Where I could cast my vote in the upcoming Federal election?
The reply:   " Vote?  What are you, some kind of a Bolshevik ? "

 

[Sigger]

The reply:   " Vote?  What are you, some kind of a Bolshevik ? "

WIKI Bolshevik

 

[chris the merc]

"I'm going to sue the Army! They can't do this too me!" One disgruntled Pte upon being told to carry a bunch of metal poles down a hill on SQ.

Next stop, db....

 

[davidk]

The date:  1974
The place:  Wainwright
My question of our course Sgt.:  Where I could cast my vote in the upcoming Federal election?
The reply:  " Vote?  What are you, some kind of a Bolshevik ? "

I'm guessing you meant to call him a bourgeois pig instead.

 

[HommicideHarold]

...working in a CFRC... (with little to no military training... pre BMOQ...)
Airforce Captain: "Oh, officer cadet... we ought to get you some shoe polish... as so you can spit polish your boots..."
    Infantry OCdt: "Polish, ma'am? ...? ...I thought you all just 'amway-ed' your boots..." [While being serious].
Airforce Captain: "...'amway'...???"
    Infantry OCdt: "...Spray polish...? ...Ma'am??" [Making a shaking motion].
Airforce Captain: "...Oh God! NO!! ... We thought you used to be in cadets...?!! ...spray polish??!!!!"
    Infantry OCdt: "...I'm kidding ma'am."
Airforce Captain: "Oh, ok. Good. ...No, but I'll show you how to really do your boots."
[Taking the time to think... I failed to see how a airforce logistics captain could show me anything about poishing boots of anykind... regardless of experience]
    Infantry OCdt: "...how to REALLY-do-my boots..??"
Airforce Captain: "...yeah... there's a ... trick... to it... ... ... it's called burning your boots..."
    Infantry OCdt: "... ... ... burning your boots ma'am...?" [Knowing full well what the is]
Airforce Captain: "...yes. It makes them shiny without polishing them..."
    Infantry OCdt: "...Well, ma'am... I'm not so sure your SUEDO-airforce-witchcraft will work on these infantry boots..."

-FYI- don't say anything close to this, to anyone who outranks you.
...especially if you're an OCdt.

 

[medaid]

Ah... And it took you that experience to figure it out AND you were in cadrts?! :

 

[Gunner98]

"With all due respect"  and anything that follows

"No offense taken" - Any offense will be taken and seriously.

"Let's just pretend we don't wear different ranks."  This will normally lead to "let's take our ranks off and step oustide."

 

[Deleted member 9665]

Mcpl talking to me during basic: "Dammit Private bloggin, what have you done to your boots??? they look like a piece of shit"
Me answering: Its because I did not do them Mcpl.

Trust me never answer that to your 2ic's section during morning inspection


Or, during same BMQ but not me

A 17 years old kid on the course is having a hyperventilation attack (the third one in 2 days) the morning before the CSM's inspection, Mcpl is talking some sense into the kid on a...somewhat loud and hard way.

Private besides me... "Mcpl, it is not a good idea to talk to him that way, we just finished our first-aid course and they told us no to stress out even more people in his situation"

God I never saw a Mcpl coming so fast across the barrack

 

[medicineman]

I may have said this before.  If I have, sorry.  Dude is on pre-training Sgt inspection in Cornwallis and something (as they invariably are) was amiss. 

"Pte So and So - why is this locker a mess?"

"No excuse Sgt!"

"No excuse is not an excuse - start pumping until you think of one!!"

"5 Sgt, 6 Sgt..."

"Hav e you thought of an excuse yet?"

"No Sgt!!"

"25 Sgt, 26 Sgt..."

"Still nothing?"

"No Sgt!"

"MCpl, take over until he does!"

"85 Mcpl, 86 MCpl..."

"So and So, I would have f*&#$*g thought of something after assuming the position - WTF didn't you just say I f*%#ed up?"

"I dunno..."

I think he made it to 90.

MM