What were they thinking?.....Dumb criminals.......add your dumb criminal story

[CorporalMajor]

Not even sure what to say...check the link, she is a beauty

http://current.com/1s4bb4c


Meet Melissa Lee Williams. The West Virginia woman, 41, is facing assault and weapons charges after allegedly waving a knife at two men who declined her demands to engage in sexual conduct at a motor inn.

The October 22 incident is detailed in an amusing/gross Jackson County Sheriff’s Department report excerpted here.

According to investigators, Williams--who lives four doors down from her estranged husband at the 77 Motor Inn--showed up at his door and asked Danny Williams and another man to “eat my *****.” At this point, Williams, pictured in the mug shot at right, “commenced to undress herself,” reported Deputy Ross Mellinger.

While Danny Williams “declined said invitation,” the other man, Adam Watson, told cops that he “agreed to perform at her request.” However, as Watson approached Williams, “he became overwhelmed by horrible vaginal odor emitting from Melissa Williams.” Watson, understandably, “declined to proceed any further.”

This is when Melissa Williams allegedly “produced a lock-back folding knife,” opened it, and pointed the weapon at her estranged husband. She then reportedly uttered a line never before memorialized in a police report: “Somebody is going to eat my ***** or I’m going to cut your ******* throat.”

When Deputy Mellinger arrived on the scene he observed Williams--who, like the two men, appeared to be intoxicated--nude from the waist down. After pocketing a knife that was on the coffee table in front of Williams, Mellinger arrested her for domestic assault and brandishing a deadly weapon.

Williams, who was released from jail after posting $3000 bond, is next due in Jackson County Magistrate Court on February 16.

I really shouldn't have looked at her mug ..makes it even worse.........  :-X

 

[kkwd]

This jewel will have a court date that will be very entertaining.

Article link

Police: Drug Dealer Solicited Prosecutor By Mistake Man Arrested On Drug Charges

MARTINSVILLE, Ind. -- A Martinsville man faces drug charges after police said he meant to text a customer but ended up negotiating a buy with the Morgan County Prosecutor's Office.

Deputy Prosecutor Courtney Swank said she was surprised to get several text messages on a new office cell phone meant to handle domestic violence calls.

The first message read, "Roxy twenties 15," followed by another a few days later that said, "hey buddy just wonderin if u needed any fortys," officials said.

"Roxys are oxycodone, 20 would be the size and $15 each," Chief Deputy Prosecutor Bob Cline told 6News' Tanya Spencer.

Swank contacted Martinsville police and she and a detective played along, texting back and forth with the person.

Eventually, Swank called the number and asked the man his name. Not only did he tell her his name -- Shawn Means, 26 -- he spelled it for her, and set up a buy, police said.

Officers pulled Means over shortly before the scheduled buy after they said they spotted an unrestrained child standing in the back seat.

According to the probable cause affidavit, Means was also intoxicated, and was passing in and out of consciousness while talking to officers.

Police said they found methadone, oxycodone and a pill cutter and grinder on Means. His cell phone is now being examined for evidence.

"Sometimes things snowball," Cline said. "I did it myself when I was a police officer. I started off with an A misdemeanor possession of marijuana case and before the end of the
night ended up with about 50 arrests that were A felonies. So it can certainly happen."

Means is scheduled for an initial court appearance Friday.

 

[kratz]

This time of year is rife with Top 10 lists. Here is Chatham police's "dumbest criminal" for 2010:

Police pick "dumbest criminal" of 2010
680News staff Dec 29, 2010 16:10:55 PM
CHATHAM, Ont. - Police in Chatham have unveiled their "dumbest criminal of the year."

The winner put in a call to police less than a week after three men were released with court dates following a break and enter.

He left a voice message complaining that media information about the crime was inaccurate, identifying himself and giving details about the break and enter, therefore providing a recorded confession.

The honourable mention goes to a 17 year old boy who called 911 because his father broke his bong after he was caught smoking marijuana.

The young man was cautioned about the use of 911 ... and smoking pot. 

 

[George Wallace]

Reproduced under the Fair Dealings provisions of the Copyright Act.

US man with warrants gives false name during traffic stop - of guy who was also wanted

07/01/2011 1:31:00 PM
The Associated Press

LINK

GREAT FALLS, Mont. - Authorities say a man who had three outstanding warrants for his arrest gave officers a false name during a traffic stop - but ended up in custody anyway because that man was also wanted.


Court records say that during a traffic stop Monday in Great Falls, Jonothan Ray Gonsalez, of Box Elder, told police that his name was Timothy Michael Koop Jr.

The officer learned a man by that name was wanted in Hill County and arrested him.

Police say a search of Gonsalez after his arrest turned up half a gram of methamphetamine in his jacket pocket and he was charged with criminal possession of dangerous drugs.

The Great Falls Tribune reports Gonsalez gave his real name on Tuesday, so a charge of issuing a false report to law enforcement was added.

 

[stukirkpatrick]

that happens more often than one would think!

It's just as funny when somebody gives a fake name of a friend (who is wanted) when the original person doesn't even have any warrants...  but ends up in custody due to obstruction, among other things.

 

[GAP]

Intoxicated burglar can’t find his way out of home and calls police for help
Article Link
Elspeth Lodge  January 10, 2011 – 6:17 pm

A Delaware man was arrested when he called 911, after he broke into a home and couldn’t find his way out again, Wilmington’s News Journal reports.

Police say the man, identified as John Finch, wandered around the house for three days last week after entering the dwelling via a back-window.

Mr. Finch helped himself to drinks from the liquor cabinet and after consuming two bottles of whiskey and several of gin, he was too intoxicated to find his way out of the house — all the doors were dead bolted and he couldn’t get back out the window he had entered through.

Mr. Finch then made his call to 911 and when officers arrived they tried to get Mr. Finch too let himself out of the door. Officer Michael Bingnear, who responded to the call, told the News Journal:

    “He said, ‘I can’t. It’s locked.’ At that point, we were getting frustrated with him. He was sitting on the couch as we were telling him to unlock the back door. It took us about 20 minutes to get in, with him repeating himself.”

Finally, officers broke open the door and the burglar was free. Sort of. Mr. Finch will face charges over the break-in as well as charges over a break-in at the same residence in April.

Despite the hassle, police are grateful for Mr. Finch’s unusual 911 call.

    “In all my 12 years on the force, it’s not something that’s a usual occurrence. If it were, it would make our job a lot easier,” an officer told the News Journal.


Read more: http://news.nationalpost.com/2011/01/10/intoxicated-burglar-cant-find-his-way-out-of-home-and-calls-police-for-help/#ixzz1AgvjLEvm

end

 

[Sapplicant]

First nominee for 2011's Darwin Award.

 

[Journeyman]

First nominee for 2011's Darwin Award.

Brandishing a fake gun against the police -- Darwin Award, or suicide by cop?

 

[PMedMoe]

suicide by cop?

That's what I was thinking. 

 

[GAP]

Not a criminal, but he does qualify as dumb...........

Quebec man shoots self in face
By Doug Hempstead, QMI Agency 
Article Link

OTTAWA - A 57-year-old Outaouais, Que., man is in hospital after shooting himself in the face while cleaning his hunting rifle Monday morning.

The man's 28-year-old stepdaughter was in the apartment above the garage of a home in the Notre-Dame-de-la-Salette area when she heard a noise around 9:30 a.m.

The man was still conscious when she found him in the garage.

He was transported to the Hull hospital with serious injuries to his face, but his life is not in danger, according to police.

The police investigation determined it was an accidental discharge. The man had last used the rifle in December and had stored it while still loaded.
More on link

 

[kkwd]

This is just dead wrong.

Article link

Man Accused Of Having Sex With Corpse
Woman Found Dead In Her Apartment

WASHINGTON, Ind. -- An Ohio man accused of having sex with a corpse told investigators he didn't at first realize the woman was dead.

Richard Elwood Sanden, 55, of Geneva, Ohio, was being held on $500,000 bond Wednesday in the Daviess County Jail in Washington, on charges that include abuse of a corpse and possession of marijuana.

The Washington Times-Herald reported that police arrested Sanden on Saturday night after they were called to the dead woman's apartment.

The newspaper reported that Sanden told police he was having sex with the 48-year-old woman whom he had known for a few months when he realized she wasn't breathing. He told police he administered CPR and called an ambulance.

The woman's cause of death remains under investigation.

 

[kkwd]

More regarding my last post.

Article link

Cops: Man taped sex act with dead woman

WASHINGTON, Ind. (WTHI) - More charges filed in a strange southern Indiana case involving an Ohio man accused of having sex with a dead woman.

Richard Sanden, 55, of Geneva, Ohio was formally charged in connection with the bizarre case involving a 48-year-old woman in Washington, Ind.

Sanden's initial hearing was held in Daviess County Superior Court.

Richard Sanden claims he and a 48-year-old Washington woman spent the day having sex, drinking and doing drugs before she died.

Authorities believe things happened much differently.

Now, Sanden faces eight charges including rape, criminal deviate conduct and abuse of a corpse for having sex with the woman after her death.

"Through the investigation, with the officers working the case, they've come up with some more information and in cooperation with the prosecutor he's decided there are other charges to be filed," said Washington Police Chief Tim Guy.

While authorities still aren't willing to share very much information on this case, the court documents are providing some disturbing details.

The probable cause affidavit claims that Sanden video taped his actions with the woman and that even though she appeared to be dead and unresponsive he continued to abuse her.

Sanden told investigators he did not realize the woman had died and when he did he called for help.

Police say that even though Sanden has appeared in court their investigation is still on-going.

"At the present time they're following up and trying to make sure everything is complete and they've gone through everything thoroughly," said Guy.

In the meantime, Sanden is in the Daviess County Jail and set for trial on May 17th.

Sanden says he is a retired ironworker.

He's being held on $500,000 bond.

 

[nuclearzombies]

Something I witnessed myself. I'm not so sure it's so much a stupid criminal, rather it was criminally stupid.

So I'm on the bus at 0600 to get to work, we turn a corner and feel a small bump.... the bus driver pulls over right away and starts freaking out... "HOW THE HELL DO YOU RUN INTO A BUS!!! IT'S A GIANT WHITE BOX?!?!?!"
So we passengers pile off the bus, to see a small hatchback stuck to the back of the bus. The person driving the car got out  - with a curling iron in one hand,  cell phone in the other hand and still talking!! When the police showed up, she got mad at them and lied about the curling iron/cell phone thing. The police were suitably amused, and awarded her a free ride to jail and a comlimentary impound for her vehicle, which I found out later from the cops was a 5 speed. And she actually tried to fight it in court, saying all the passengers on the bus were lying and conspiring to screw her over.... I still chuckle out loud thinking about it....

 

[GAP]

Burglars snort cremated man’s ashes
By JANE SUTTON, Reuters
Article Link

MIAMI - Burglars snorted the cremated remains of a man and two dogs in the mistaken belief that they had stolen illegal drugs, Florida sheriff’s deputies said Wednesday.

The ashes were taken from a woman’s home in the central Florida town of Silver Springs Shores on Dec. 15. The thieves took an urn containing the ashes of her father and another container with the ashes of her two Great Danes, along with electronic equipment and jewelry, the Marion County Sheriff’s Office said.

Investigators learned what happened to the ashes after they arrested five teens in connection with another burglary attempt at a nearby home last week.

“The suspects mistook the ashes for either cocaine or heroin. It was soon discovered that the suspects snorted some of the ashes believing they were snorting cocaine,” the sheriff’s report said.

Once they realized their error, the suspects discussed returning the remaining ashes but threw them in a lake instead because they thought their fingerprints were on the containers, sheriff’s spokesman Judge Cochran said.

Police divers were trying to recover the ashes. The suspects were jailed on numerous burglary and other charges.
end

 

[kratz]

Sometimes reality is stranger than fiction:

Ottawa Citizen

Burglars snort man’s ashes, thought it was cocaine
Reuters January 20, 2011 11:37 AM


MIAMI — Burglars snorted the cremated remains of a man and two dogs in the mistaken belief that they had stolen illegal drugs, Florida sheriff’s deputies said on Wednesday.


The ashes were taken from a woman’s home in the Central Florida town of Silver Springs Shores on December 15.


The thieves took an urn containing the ashes of her father and another container with the ashes of her two Great Danes, along with electronic equipment and jewelry, the Marion County Sheriff’s Office said.

© Copyright (c) Reuters

 

[kkwd]

I hope they give this guy a rubber donut when he goes to jail.

Article link

Cops: Suspect shot during home invasion

INDIANAPOLIS (WISH) - Metro Police are investigating a home invasion that ended with the intruder being shot by the homeowner.

According to police, the homeowner was inside his house in the 1400 block of Nelson Avenue when he heard glass breaking in his bedroom. When he went to investigate he found a man standing in the room.

The homeowner told 24 Hour News 8’s Troy Kehoe he ran to another room and retrieved a handgun, then fired five shots in the direction of the burglar as he jumped out a window.

Minutes later, police received a call about a person being injured five blocks away at a home in the 2500 block of Draper Street. Paramedics arrived on the scene and discovered that person was suffering from multiple gunshot wounds to the buttocks. He was taken to Wishard Hospital with what police described as non-life threatening injuries.

Police are questioning the homeowner and the man that was shot.

 

[HavokFour]

In today's 24H News Ottawa paper:

THAT'S ONE WAY TO MEET YOUR NEIGHBOURS

A single man in Victoria, B.C., woke up early Saturday morning when he heard someone open the door to his apartment, police said. "A few minutes later a woman came into his bedroom, promptly disrobed, slid into the bed next to him and fell asleep," Victoria police said on the force's blog. "The man lives on his own, last time he checked." The man called police at 3:20 a.m. Saturday. When police arrived, the woman was still asleep. They discovered she had the right building and apartment number, but the wrong floor. The woman, who police said was "quit intoxicated," was taken into custody until she sobered up. - QMI AGENCY

 

[kkwd]

Stupid comes in threes I guess. As for the soft spoken guy, maybe he was just asking for a pack of smokes and was very happy when they gave him some cash.

Article link

Bandits hit pizza driver, quick store, restaurant in Indy

Bandits had a busy night Wednesday, sticking up a pizza driver, a convenience store and restaurant in unrelated incidents.

Indianapolis metro police said a Papa John’s driver was robbed at 8 p.m. as he delivered four pizzas to 105 W. 23rd St.

The 28-year-old delivery man said two men in masks with handguns ordered him to empty his pockets and give them his cash.

One of the men said, “I want cash. I just got out of the joint,” according to a report by the Indianapolis Metropolitan Police Department.

At 9:50 p.m., a man walked into Mr. Dan’s restaurant at 5925 Massachusetts Ave., and demanded money from a clerk. When the clerk didn’t respond, the man reached over the counter and grabbed her by the collar.

After another employee pressed an alarm, the suspect ran out of the restaurant empty-handed, according to a police report.

A Village Pantry at 4023 E. 10th St. was robbed at 10:30 p.m. by a soft-spoken bandit.

The man stuck his hand in his pocket as if he had a gun and apparently demanded money. Two employees at the store said it was difficult to hear what the man said because he spoke so softly. But they could tell by his demeanor he was seeking cash, according to a report.

He left with an undisclosed amount of money.

 

[nuclearzombies]

DISCLAIMER! the following summary is in my words, in which I have strived to be as accurate as possible.

link to the Calgary Sun article here: http://www.calgarysun.com/news/alberta/2011/01/20/16960831.html

The latest in criminal stupidity, Calgary Edition: Okay, so a vehicle with two men inside was stopped under suspicion of DUI by RCMP in Chestermere, a town just east of Calgary. RCMP had removed the driver of the vehicle to assess his ability to operate when the passenger moved into the driver's seat and sped away, nearly striking an RCMP constable. The man was spotted in Calgary (Forest Lawn area) and a low speed pursuit ensued around the neighborhood of Dover.

Somehow, this guy managed to drive off the hill overlooking Deerfoot Trail, landing in the canal at the bottom (with only minor injuries!). He's fortunate the CPS had an eye on him.. I couldn't figure out at first how the heck he pulled this off, as you have to intentionally drive off of the street, over the short pile of snow left by snowplows and across 40 or so feet of open ground also covered in a foot of snow. The drop itself is a fairly steep and uneven grade, about a 15-20 metre drop at the very least. So a buddy and I drove by the scene yesterday afternoon, and it appears as though the guy was trying to drive along the bike path that runs along the top of the hill, which coincidentally is also covered in snow. But he got just a little too close to the edge and went over. The really crazy part is that there are a number of boulders scattered about the hillside, and more along the bike path at the bottom before the canal. He managed to miss everything on the way down but the canal!

 

[raiseitup]

My car was broken into then later when I called the tow truck driver, the suspect kindly asked if I knew how to turn on MY cell phone LOL!