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Let's hope. When my wife attended UNB she would tell me some of the things a certain professer wuold say about the army. Not nice things I must say! I would get so angry.She didn't believe it,but I am sure others did. But as you can see she married me and numerous others have managed to find girlfriends and wives.
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I remember walking down Princess st in Kingston this summer with a buddy...Saw a couple of nice looking girls, smiled, said hi...one of them smiled back, the other kept walking and pulled her friend...distinctly heard her say:
"You have to stay away from those army guys"...thought that was funny...Kingston, not so good...Other places you can tell a girl you're in the army, others, well, they don't much like us.
I found the best way to overcome that is to find a fun way to break the ice...and wear a hat when at the clubs in K-town
edit: typing
"You have to stay away from those army guys"...thought that was funny...Kingston, not so good...Other places you can tell a girl you're in the army, others, well, they don't much like us.
I found the best way to overcome that is to find a fun way to break the ice...and wear a hat when at the clubs in K-town
edit: typing
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Ahhh yes, fredericton NB. I went to UNB and I found alot of the students were just ignorant about the forces. There is a group (hopefully graduated by now) who were set on making sure that the military knew its place and stayed out of the city. As for the women, some women liked the boys(alot, so much they went to visit the shacks every weekend), some women hated military boys because they saw them taking these said girls home everyweekend (freddy is small, you see the same people at the same bars every week) and then some just didnt really care. I guess you just have to look for the ones who dont mind that you're in the military (and havent been with half of your friends). >
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Some girls like it, some dont care and some hate it. It's like any other job... people have their own opinions. I live in kingston and yes you can spot those army guys as soon as they walk in the bar 
lol. They stay in a close group and there is almost always at least 5 of em standing around sizing up the girls.. lol.. just kidding. I dont find that the girls here dont like the military boys. They just... are skeptical i suppose. Either they think that the guys are arogant jerks or they get around. Then others have no prejudice. A lot of girls I know dont want to get involved with military guys cuz they dont like the lifestyle. Just a one night thing is a different story but if they're looking for a relationship they'll stay away. Military life is hard in general and if you didnt grow up in it, it takes some adjustments and most ppl dont know what they're getting into. When ppl ask what my dh does and i say army they look at me like "oh I'm so sorry. he must never be home. does he go overseas a lot?" ... ya ok so he's never home. Dont feel sorry for me it's a life I chose and I'm dealing with it best i can without people rubbing it in my face. Anyway,, yea the uniform is a good one too. Peronally I like the relish better than the DU's though..
lol. They stay in a close group and there is almost always at least 5 of em standing around sizing up the girls.. lol.. just kidding. I dont find that the girls here dont like the military boys. They just... are skeptical i suppose. Either they think that the guys are arogant jerks or they get around. Then others have no prejudice. A lot of girls I know dont want to get involved with military guys cuz they dont like the lifestyle. Just a one night thing is a different story but if they're looking for a relationship they'll stay away. Military life is hard in general and if you didnt grow up in it, it takes some adjustments and most ppl dont know what they're getting into. When ppl ask what my dh does and i say army they look at me like "oh I'm so sorry. he must never be home. does he go overseas a lot?" ... ya ok so he's never home. Dont feel sorry for me it's a life I chose and I'm dealing with it best i can without people rubbing it in my face. Anyway,, yea the uniform is a good one too. Peronally I like the relish better than the DU's though.. 
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There is no reason why you should loose him. If you both wanna make it work than it should work out.
Hi everyone. First post for me. And it seems that its going to be a pretty sad subject and its kindof along these lines. I have a friend who has been married for a few years. He is just reaching the end of his first deployment and is madly in love with his wife. Unfortunately she has been cheating on him. It has really thrown a monkey wrench into the works and I have no idea what to do. I have heard that I shouldn't say anything to him until he is back because he is in a dangerous place and it might affect his career. I don't want to say anything but I don't think she is going to be truthful with him. All I can really do ,I think, is sit and wait to see what happens and let him know when he gets back if she doesn't. Is there any advice from people that have experienced this unfortunate event? I know the two individuals that she has cheated with. They are both army. One of them actually works with him! Another little twist is that there is another person that is on tour with him that knows all about it but hasn't told him!
The whole thing has me twisted.
Thankyou in advance everyone who responds. I've wanted to become a member and post for quite some time now. It's just too bad that this has to be the first one.
The whole thing has me twisted.
Thankyou in advance everyone who responds. I've wanted to become a member and post for quite some time now. It's just too bad that this has to be the first one.
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I was in that exact situation in Germany in 1991. I was constantly going to Guncamps in the run-up to CAT91. My wife decided I wasn't spending enough time with her and found a playmate. We had a couple of suicides in the Regiment that year related to spousal problems, and the Col was very worried about this trend.
He encouraged us to look after each other..use the "buddy system" and ways to recognize when there are problems. One of my friends had seen my Ex-wife with her playmate while I was away, and made the difficult decision to tell my SSM, and myself. Because we were in Germany and as a dependant she came under Military jurisdiction, the decision was made to ship her back to Canada, so the situation would not affect my job as much.
After the initial anger, I was happy that my friend had looked after me, and saved me a lot of hardship. I did not blame her, because in truth, we drifted apart because I was never there. Spouses of Military members have to have that special bond of trust to make it work, and in this case it wasn't there.
You are in a tricky situation, but ask yourself if you would want to know if this was happening to you. Can you imagine if this goes on and on and he remains oblivious? Better to break the news IMHO, so he can get on with his life. A tough decision for sure. (you could lose a friend)
Gnplummer
He encouraged us to look after each other..use the "buddy system" and ways to recognize when there are problems. One of my friends had seen my Ex-wife with her playmate while I was away, and made the difficult decision to tell my SSM, and myself. Because we were in Germany and as a dependant she came under Military jurisdiction, the decision was made to ship her back to Canada, so the situation would not affect my job as much.
After the initial anger, I was happy that my friend had looked after me, and saved me a lot of hardship. I did not blame her, because in truth, we drifted apart because I was never there. Spouses of Military members have to have that special bond of trust to make it work, and in this case it wasn't there.
You are in a tricky situation, but ask yourself if you would want to know if this was happening to you. Can you imagine if this goes on and on and he remains oblivious? Better to break the news IMHO, so he can get on with his life. A tough decision for sure. (you could lose a friend)
Gnplummer
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outofsoap - That is a tough call, and I don't envy your position. It wasn't related to the military, but I found myself in your friend's position a while back. I wasn't that pissed off about her affair, but when I found out from 'friends' that they knew about it for a month or two before I found out and didn't tell me I was more bothered by that.
Consider the potential consequences of telling him vs. not telling him, and think about what you would expect if you were in his position. Then follow what your gut feeling tells you. Good luck with it!
Consider the potential consequences of telling him vs. not telling him, and think about what you would expect if you were in his position. Then follow what your gut feeling tells you. Good luck with it!
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In a Regiment, rumour and innuendo can spread faster than measles. Do you really want your friend to be the object of snide comments and ridicule? If it were me, I wouldn't want to be the last guy in the regiment to know the score. A little pain now, or a lingering infection? Sterilize the wound, I say. Just MHO, o'course...
Thanks everybody. lots of advice from both sides of the camp. It really is a tough call. I can't say anything until he is home though (at the very least). It's not just a matter of knowing and not telling him. Like I was saying... he is in a very dangerous place right now.. he needs 100% attention on his job. All I can do is wait until he is home and tell him face to face. I don't think suicide will be his choice but he will be devistated. I know he will not trust any military guys that he works with for quite a while because of his coworkers betrayal. I have been his friend since highschool and we have gone through something similar when I was being cheated on. once he knows one way or the other (her choice. I think I will give her a little bit before he gets home) I will try to be there for him. Let him know that he can't lose his head right now...he'll have to save it for later.
SprCForr .. what happened with your friend? Did you have evidence (I do) or was it that your friend couldn't believe you?
SprCForr .. what happened with your friend? Did you have evidence (I do) or was it that your friend couldn't believe you?
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outofsoap it sounds like you've got a good action plan, and I agree 100% that you should wait until he gets home. If it ends up that you have to be the Reluctant Bearer of Bad News because his wife doesn't have the guts to do it, preface it by reminding him how long the two of you have been friends, and tell him that it's because of your friendship that you need to tell him. You're not the one shagging his wife, so there isn't really any reason for him to be pissed at you about it. Maybe temporarily he'll be angry about it and you might be the most convenient target for him to vent on, but don't take it personally; eventually he will realize that you were acting in his best interests.
But what about the guy? 'Don't blade buddy' was one of the first things drilled into us on BMQ. While I don't approve of what the wife is doing, I have an even lower opinion of what the guy is doing, and his co-workers that know and condone what is going on. Those guys are arseholes and personally I would never trust them either. Perhaps it's a double standard, but I do expect military people to adhere to a higher standard than civilians.
And if I can make another suggestion, whether you tell him or someone else, when he finds out about it make sure you reach out to him so that he knows you are in his corner. I've heard too many stories about our guys committing suicide over a breakup, and I've wondered why it happens as often as it does. Sometimes the smallest act of kindness or compassion can make a temporary improvement in someone's perspective, and give them the energy to stick around another day. And then another day, and another until they get through it.
Good luck!
But what about the guy? 'Don't blade buddy' was one of the first things drilled into us on BMQ. While I don't approve of what the wife is doing, I have an even lower opinion of what the guy is doing, and his co-workers that know and condone what is going on. Those guys are arseholes and personally I would never trust them either. Perhaps it's a double standard, but I do expect military people to adhere to a higher standard than civilians.
And if I can make another suggestion, whether you tell him or someone else, when he finds out about it make sure you reach out to him so that he knows you are in his corner. I've heard too many stories about our guys committing suicide over a breakup, and I've wondered why it happens as often as it does. Sometimes the smallest act of kindness or compassion can make a temporary improvement in someone's perspective, and give them the energy to stick around another day. And then another day, and another until they get through it.
Good luck!
