J
More and more funnies.. vol: something...
- Thread starter Timmy!
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The Wal-Mart Greeter
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear."
“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I’ll try harder."
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, "It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.
He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually saluted and said, Good morning, General, can I get your coffee, sir?”
;D
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp-minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk.
"Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-up job when you finally get here; but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
"Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear."
“Yes sir, I understand your concern and I’ll try harder."
Seeming puzzled, the manager went on to comment, "It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say to you there if you showed up in the morning so late and so often?"
The old man looked down at the floor, then smiled.
He chuckled quietly, then said with a grin, "They usually saluted and said, Good morning, General, can I get your coffee, sir?”
;D
Happy Easter to all!
Alea
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Secret Service
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service!"
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Alea
______________________________________________________________________
Secret Service
A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. He grabbed my friend by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
My friend said, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"
He whispered back, "I'm in the secret service!"
_______________________________________________________________________
VIChris said:
Good one, though 40+ years old.
The way I heard it was that the Scotish soldier returned the next and announced to the chemist that it was the decision of the Regiment to have it vulcanized. (Vulcanize...old country expression meaning to repair rubber objects with applied heat).
ironduke57
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WHEN YOU SEE IT......
OldSolduer
Army.ca Relic
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ironduke57 said:WHEN YOU SEE IT......
See what?
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Received via email:
An elderly Scottish Jew has decided to take it a little easier and take up golf. So he puts his name down at the local club.
After a week he receives a message that his application has been turned down. So he goes down to the club to enquire why.
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?
Scot: Aye but I am as Scottish as you are Jock.
Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear kilts.
Scot: Aye, so do I.
Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under our kilts?
Scot: Aye, neither do I.
Secretary: But you are a Jew?
Scot: Aye, I be that.
Secretary: So you are circumcised?
Scot: Aye, I be that too.
Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.
Scot: Ach, away with ya man. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen.
And I know that you have to be a Catholic to become a Knight of Saint Columbus.
But this is the first time I heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club.
iper:
An elderly Scottish Jew has decided to take it a little easier and take up golf. So he puts his name down at the local club.
After a week he receives a message that his application has been turned down. So he goes down to the club to enquire why.
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club?
Scot: Aye but I am as Scottish as you are Jock.
Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear kilts.
Scot: Aye, so do I.
Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under our kilts?
Scot: Aye, neither do I.
Secretary: But you are a Jew?
Scot: Aye, I be that.
Secretary: So you are circumcised?
Scot: Aye, I be that too.
Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.
Scot: Ach, away with ya man. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen.
And I know that you have to be a Catholic to become a Knight of Saint Columbus.
But this is the first time I heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club.
iper:
ironduke57
Sr. Member
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Maybe you should more focus on the background and less on the eh foreground.Jim Seggie said:
Regards,
ironduke57
George Wallace
Army.ca Dinosaur
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Is it bad that the first thing I saw was Godzilla? Been single too long I guess.
Post Turtle
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, who's hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually, the topic got around to Michael Ignatieff and his bid to be the PM of Canada .
The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, he's a 'Post Turtle''. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.
. . . 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, and he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with'.
Post Turtle
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, who's hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually, the topic got around to Michael Ignatieff and his bid to be the PM of Canada .
The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, he's a 'Post Turtle''. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.
. . . 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, and he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with'.
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Party Leaders “Hop to it” for Easter
http://ipolitics.ca/2011/04/24/party-leaders-hop-to-it-for-easter-2/
http://ipolitics.ca/2011/04/24/party-leaders-hop-to-it-for-easter-2/
Retired AF Guy
Army.ca Veteran
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No eggs today!
ironduke57
Sr. Member
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;D
ironduke57
Sr. Member
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