So there I was.......

[kkwd]

..... basement apartment of the village outhouse ...

 

[Old Sweat]

which doubled as the command post of the local detachment of the Legion of Frontiersmen . . .

 

[kkwd]

.... when they were kicked out of their old HQ in the grease pit of the local burger joint ...

 

[Michael OLeary]

... which was the site of an unsolved pedal-by paint-balling the following day ...

 

[kkwd]

.... with survivors describing swarthy men wearing dress pants and misshapen berets. They were chanting "poutine" as they went by and holding cheap looking knives. Only a small percentage of their shots connected with the targets as they were prone to shooting themselves. It must be said that all fatal victims died laughing. A warning was issued by police if this group was ever spotted again to ...

 

[Michael OLeary]

... take small children firmly by the hair and move them out of the line of fire ...

 

[kkwd]

.... and watch out for feeble attempts at recruiting to their cause. On the other hand, if you are small minded, kind of dumb and comfortable operating around the fringes of society then this may be just the right thing for you  ...

 

[PMedMoe]

......either that or join the local troop of Girl Guides, whose awesome feats include......

 

[Shec]

...decisively defeating the Quebec Militia with overwhelming firepower by deploying full boxes of cookies...

 

[Harris]

...which in reality were anti-pers toe poppers.  Therefore they...

 

[Shec]

...censured in the House by Taliban Jack for violating the Ottawa Treaty to which the International Girl Guide Movement was not signatory...

 

[kkwd]

.... so Jack can get bent ....

 

[Michael OLeary]

... folded and mutilated by the mail sorters at Canada Post ...

 

[Shec]

...which (a) justified the recent increase in postal rates, and (b) culminated in a Human Rights complaint laid by coalition partner, the BQ...

 

[kkwd]

.... because they wanted the exact same thing done to them ....

 

[Michael OLeary]

... but only in the other official language and by Quebec members of the union ...

 

[Shec]

...so a referendum was held...

 

[Michael OLeary]

... with an ambiguous question written in Pashto, untranslatable in either official Canadian language, and for which the only conceivable response was ....

 

[Old Sweat]

to uncork the nearest bottle of single malt. . .

 

[Haggis]

.... pour it into several shot galsses and take a seat in front of a roaring fire, with your trusty canine companion....