UK Forces' Oaths of Enlistment

[daftandbarmy]

ROYAL AIR FORCE OATH OF ENLISTMENT



I, Crabby, swear to sign away four years of my useless life to the Royal Air

Force because I know I couldn't hack it in the Army and because the Marines

frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done

by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear

not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bleep test as

a valid form of exercise.



I swear to uphold and defend the Crown, even though I believe myself to be

above that. I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name

because I know I'm not really in the military and I find it amusing to annoy

the other services. I will have a better quality of life than all those

around me and will at all times be sure to make them aware of that fact.



After completion of my (hehe) "basic training," I will be a lean, mean,

doughnut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, Sick Bay

Ranger. I will believe that I am superior to all others, and will make an

effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with

it. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look

good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early everyday.



I consent to never getting promoted -- EVER -- and understand that all those

whom I made fun of yesterday probably will outrank me tomorrow.



So help me God.



Signature: ___________________ Date: _________________





BRITISH ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT



I, Pongo, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre life to the British

Army because I couldn't score high enough on the entrance test to get into

the Air Force, I'm not tough enough for the Royal Marines, and the Royal

Navy won't take me because I can't swim or read.



I will wear CS95's every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I

can't figure out how to use Twisters. I will promise to tell myself every

day that I am a fierce killing machine because the RSM told me I am, despite

the fact that the only action I ever will see is a court martial for sexual

harassment.



I acknowledge the fact that I will make L/Cpl in my first year of service,

and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After

completion of my sexual -- er -- I mean, BASIC training, I will attend a

different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I

did when I left.



On my first leave after basic, I will walk around like I am cool and propose

to my sixth form girlfriend. I will make my wife stay home, because if I let

her out she might leave me for a smarter, better-looking Air Force guy.

Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.



While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely

nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hours because

of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 hours to report back to the

"section." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will

help me get a job in civi street, and will end up working in security at

Tesco with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the

Army giving me ?1500 for education, but will be unable to use it because I

can't pass a placement exam.



So help me God.



Signature:__________________ Date:_______________







ROYAL NAVY OATH OF ALLEGIANCE



I, Popeye, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away four years of my

life to the Royal Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without

actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too

gay and because I thought, "Hey, I like to swim...Why not?"



I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my

name stenciled on the arse of every item of clothing I own. I understand

that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for

the Waffen SS during the winter. I will strive to use a different language

than the rest of the English-speaking world, using words like "deck,

bulkhead, lid, and head," when I really mean "floor, wall, hat, and toilet."

I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, ranks and

insignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from

the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.



I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hours every morning unless I am

mates with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours.



I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up

in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon and still not spill a drop.



I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice each

fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to

submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found

"colleagues." So help me Neptune.



Signature:__________________ Date:_______________







ROYAL MARINES OATH OF ENLISTMENT



I, ________________ (state name here), swear...uhhhh...hard-and-fast...

grunt... Green Lid... ugh... WRNS.... HOORAH!



So help me Corps.



Thumb Print:___________________ Date:______________

 

[IN HOC SIGNO]

I was laughing my butt off till I got to the Navy one.......and couldn't find any humour there at all  ;D

 

[Greymatters]

A bit harsh on the air force isnt it?

 

[medaid]

I didnt quite get the RM one... some one fill me in? ???

 

[IN HOC SIGNO]

Um it's satire folks!!!!

Satire

noun
witty language used to convey insults or scorn; "he used sarcasm to upset his opponent"; "irony is wasted on the stupid"; "Satire is a sort of glass, wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own"--Jonathan Swift [syn: sarcasm] 


Modern Language Association (MLA):
"satire." WordNet® 3.0. Princeton University. 31 May. 2007. <Dictionary.com http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/satire>.

 

[Kirkhill]

I didnt quite get the RM one... some one fill me in? ???

Grunt Grunt - hunh hunh - banana - hunh hunh - don' need no clothes anyway - beer.

 

[Greymatters]

Yes, its satire, we get it.  ;D

Perhaps Ive seen too many examples of that type of humour before, to me its 'been done'...

 

[IN HOC SIGNO]

Yes, its satire, we get it.  ;D

Perhaps Ive seen too many examples of that type of humour before, to me its 'been done'...

Well yeah but it's a bit like Monty Python....I fall into hysterical bursts of laughter whenever I hear "Here! this parrot you sold me is dead!" "It's not dead...it's kipping on it's back!"
:rofl:

 

[legal_eagle]

BRITISH ARMY OATH OF ENLISTMENT



I, Pongo, swear to sign away four years of my mediocre life to the British

Army because I couldn't score high enough on the entrance test to get into

the Air Force, 1. I'm not tough enough for the Royal Marines, and the Royal

Navy won't take me because I can't swim or read.



I will wear CS95's every day and tuck my trousers into my boots because I

can't figure out how to use Twisters. I will promise to tell myself every

day that I am a fierce killing machine because the RSM told me I am, despite

the fact that 2. the only action I ever will see is a court martial for sexual

harassment.



I acknowledge the fact that 3. I will make L/Cpl in my first year of service,

and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After

completion of my sexual -- er -- I mean, BASIC training, I will attend a

different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I

did when I left.



On my first leave after basic, I will walk around like I am cool and propose

to my sixth form girlfriend. I will make my wife stay home, because if I let

her out she might leave me for a smarter, better-looking Air Force guy.

Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.



While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely

nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hours because

of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 hours to report back to the

"section." I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will

help me get a job in civi street, and will end up working in security at

Tesco with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the

Army giving me ?1500 for education, but will be unable to use it because I

can't pass a placement exam.



So help me God.

Whilst I appreciate satire as much as the next man (or sailor) I have to take you up one the 3 points I've highlighted.

1. Speaking as a paratrooper, I obviously don't agree that our sexually confused Marines are the toughest troops we have.

2. At this moment in time, just about everyone in the Bitish Army is guarenteed to see action. All infantrymen will.

3. Took me 3 years to get my first stripe you b@stard!!! How sh!t would that make me!!

The rest is pretty much true!!

 

[niner domestic]

ROYAL MARINES OATH OF ENLISTMENT


Ok Medtech, from the top...

I, ________________ (state name here),  this is about the only time you'll ever see a Bootie admit to a real name...otherwise it reverts to Eric, Bodge (as in Bodge'll fix it), dunno, whose beer am I drinking?


swear...uhhhh...hard-and-fast... grunt Booties have no clue how to speak unless their sentences are prefaced with the word that makes them sound like a chicken clucking, the uhhh part is them forgetting to close mouth while eating their chip butty and the hard and fast grunt is the sound they make while yomping

Green Lid... ugh... WRNS.... HOORAH! Green lid is their coveted Green beret that they get after CTC.  Uggh is Bootie speak  for "eyes right there's a wren in sussies" Hoorah is Sussies, confirmed



So help me Corps. The Corps is mother, father, God and oppo, it's everything to everyone.  As my granpa and husband used to say, "the most quintessential love, the most perfect of love is one drunken Marine to another all else pales as a bad India ale".



Thumb Print:___________________ Date:______________ You didn't really expect them to be able to figure out they have opposable thumbs did you?

 

[legal_eagle]

ROYAL MARINES OATH OF ENLISTMENT


Ok Medtech, from the top...

I, ________________ (state name here),  this is about the only time you'll ever see a Bootie admit to a real name...otherwise it reverts to Eric, Bodge (as in Bodge'll fix it), dunno, whose beer am I drinking?


swear...uhhhh...hard-and-fast... grunt Booties have no clue how to speak unless their sentences are prefaced with the word that makes them sound like a chicken clucking, the uhhh part is them forgetting to close mouth while eating their chip butty and the hard and fast grunt is the sound they make while yomping

Green Lid... ugh... WRNS.... HOORAH! Green lid is their coveted Green beret that they get after CTC.  Uggh is Bootie speak  for "eyes right there's a wren in sussies" Hoorah is Sussies, confirmed



So help me Corps. The Corps is mother, father, God and oppo, it's everything to everyone.  As my granpa and husband used to say, "the most quintessential love, the most perfect of love is one drunken Marine to another all else pales as a bad India ale".



Thumb Print:___________________ Date:______________ You didn't really expect them to be able to figure out they have opposable thumbs did you?

You've got to be an British ex-pat serviceman or even an ex-bootie. I don't think anyone in the UK could have better summed up the RM ethos!!!!! The reference to "green lid" is something only someone with inside knowledge could know about!!

Either you're a Brit in disguise or you're very well educated on the UK armed forces!!!!

 

[niner domestic]

Husband was a Bootie, 42 Cdo - KIA 1982 Falklands
Granpa was a Bootie, 41 Cdo, 30AU, 41 Indp Cdo, 1932 - 1965
Brother is a Bootie, 42 Cdo, former 45 Cdo

Grandmother (P), QARNNS
Grandmother (M), WRCNS


Me -  WRNS, served with CTC Lympstone, C-in-C Fleet, Fastlane as a wren photographer. 

I learned at their knees what the coveted green beret was all about...our daughter was baptised in the Royal Navy Dockyard Church in Chatham and had her head wet at the Bootie Pub...lol

 

[legal_eagle]

Husband was a Bootie, 42 Cdo - KIA 1982 Falklands
Granpa was a Bootie, 41 Cdo, 30AU, 41 Indp Cdo, 1932 - 1965
Brother is a Bootie, 42 Cdo, former 45 Cdo

Grandmother (P), QARNNS
Grandmother (M), WRCNS


Me -  WRNS, served with CTC Lympstone, C-in-C Fleet, Fastlane as a wren photographer. 

I learned at their knees what the coveted green beret was all about...our daughter was baptised in the Royal Navy Dockyard Church in Chatham and had her head wet at the Bootie Pub...lol

Then may I convey my respects to you. Falklands was before my time but I served shoulder to shoulder with a coy from 40 Cdo in Afghanistan. I'm a para and we have an intense rivalry (as you know!). But when it comes to the crunch if you ask a para who he would most wish to have watching his flank he would say the RM. And I think the RM would say the same of the paras. You must be very proud of your family's service history (and your own) and rightly so. Deepest condolences for the loss of your husband, (Mount Harriet?)

Best wishes

SK

 

[medaid]

ROYAL MARINES OATH OF ENLISTMENT


Ok Medtech, from the top...

I, ________________ (state name here),  this is about the only time you'll ever see a Bootie admit to a real name...otherwise it reverts to Eric, Bodge (as in Bodge'll fix it), dunno, whose beer am I drinking?


swear...uhhhh...hard-and-fast... grunt Booties have no clue how to speak unless their sentences are prefaced with the word that makes them sound like a chicken clucking, the uhhh part is them forgetting to close mouth while eating their chip butty and the hard and fast grunt is the sound they make while yomping

Green Lid... ugh... WRNS.... HOORAH! Green lid is their coveted Green beret that they get after CTC.  Uggh is Bootie speak  for "eyes right there's a wren in sussies" Hoorah is Sussies, confirmed



So help me Corps. The Corps is mother, father, God and oppo, it's everything to everyone.  As my granpa and husband used to say, "the most quintessential love, the most perfect of love is one drunken Marine to another all else pales as a bad India ale".



Thumb Print:___________________ Date:______________ You didn't really expect them to be able to figure out they have opposable thumbs did you?

Thank you Niner Domestic for the explanations. My respects towards your husband as well. Cheers!

 

[Can-american]

;D Best post too date, take care Can-Am