Dealing with being home from Kandahar

[HItorMiss]

My Arm will set off the Hand held too.

I think there are a few of us Charles guys who could.

 

[RHFC_piper]

I never got a note for mine, luckily nothing has been set off.

Unfortunately, MIR and the likes are a nono.

What's with us Charles company folk and Metal.  Decades apart even!


dileas

tess

Yeah... when I got to Sunnybrook, they scheduled me for an MRI...  I was waiting outside of the Imaging room when the sedatives wore off and I figured out where I was and had a small spaz on the nurse...  They didn't understand just what "shrapnel" meant.  I tried to get out of the gurney and they kinda freak out...

My Arm will set off the Hand held too.

I think there are a few of us Charles guys who could.

Heh... yeah...  I think I could name a few guys who'd make the metal detectors buzz.  The gunner from my section can attach a magnet to just about every appendage simply by the amount of shrapnel still left in him.

They should replace the polar bear with a big magnet, since Charles seems to attract a lot of metal.  ;D

 

[RHFC_piper]

It has now been one full year since I left the field of battle in Panjwayi wounded by friendly fire.  One year since the loss of so many great soldiers from enemy fire in Pashmul and friendly fire on Masum Ghar.
So much has happened since then, so much has changed, but I still feel the loss and I’ll never forget my brothers.

Since September 4th, 2006, I’ve celebrated a Birthday (in the hospital in Germany), attended numerous Red Friday rallies, participated in a ceremony dedicating a new memorial for Veterans in my home town (as a piper), and attended a Remembrance Day ceremony.
In December of ’06, my then-fiancée and I bought our first home, moved in and hosted a Christmas gathering for friends and family. After celebrating New Years with friends, we began to plan our wedding.

Meanwhile, my brothers on the frontlines huddled in dusty ditches and filled sand bags, defending the area we fought so hard to capture from the Taliban.  They spent their Remembrance Day training the replacements for the wounded that were sent home, as well recovering from their own wounds. 

Christmas for most of Charles Coy, was spent in Panjwayi, along the new front lines, which they carved months before.  Pictures of small Christmas trees, decorated with linked ammunition and grenades, with skin magazines and wet-wipes for presents under them, made their way back to me as some friends had the opportunity to use computers as they returned to “civilization” for supplies. 

The sight of long, khaki desert socks, hung like Christmas stockings around a machine gun bunker made me long to be there with them to enjoy the experience. Yet, I knew that most of them felt the same about being where I was.
By January, while the troops were preparing for their return home, via Cyprus, I was still recovering.  With still a few holes yet to close, my hopes of getting back to the boys were effectively dashed, and I had to accept my position.

During my recovery, many opportunities had come up; Public speaking events with media, schools and other organizations helped me to come to terms with what I had been through as well as allow me to help many uniformed or misinformed civilians to understand what the soldiers over there were going through. Invitations to sporting events and social gatherings as a “guest of honour” filled me with pride and yet, at the same time, made me feel bad as I could only hope my fellow soldiers, still lying in ditches in Afghanistan, felt as appreciated at I did.

I even had the opportunity, and the honour, to address the command elements of every reserve unit (and some regular force units) in LFCA at a conference held in Toronto as a guest speaker. I was told to be as candid as possible, and not to pull any punches, as the information would be useful in preparing these units for the next rotation as well as help them to understand what their soldiers have been through on this rotation.  I did my best and received a warm response. 

More surprises came as my sister and fiancée organized a fundraiser to replace a set of Bagpipes borrowed from my home unit, which I had been using for 8 years, with my very own set.  After a few months, I was surprised with a set of pipes which had been donated by McCallum Bagpipes of Scotland, and the remaining funds were then donated to the Wounded Warrior fund on behalf of those who had donated it originally.

By February, my fellow soldiers were on their way home form Cyprus.  Soon, we’d all be able to get together again in Petawawa for the home coming party, medals parade and memorial for the fallen… or so I though.  Unfortunately, this gathering conflicted with the date my wife and I had chosen, well before deployment, as our wedding date.

While my company marched onto the parade square to receive their well deserved accolades and tour medals, I stood on the soft sandy beach of Saint Lucia, marrying my beloved with our bare feet in the sand and the Caribbean sun beating down on us.
While there, I thought a lot of my platoon mates and wished they could have been there with me.

After returning, now a newly married man, things began to calm down.  I was able to contact my platoon mates again, I finally got back to work at my home unit, and physio was back on track after a short hiccup (wedding).

When I finally received my medal, it was exactly how I envisioned it; it was presented to me by my home units’ commanding officer, who had also just completed a tour in Afghanistan, on the last Thursday night of the training year, which also happened to be the Company Smoker. The soldiers of the unit were in civilian attire, formed up in the vehicle compound of the Kitchener Armoury, anxiously awaiting the command to go to their hot dogs, ham burgers and 2 free beers.  No pomp, no ceremony… Just the medal and a few pints with the boys.

Since the end of the training year, I’ve been back to work full days as the Unit Recruiting NCO… A position which I am slightly apprehensive about... especially when the parents of young soldiers ask questions about tours in Afghanistan, in particular, how mine went.  It hasn’t scared off any potential recruits… So Far.

And now, a full year after the events which tore apart a company, placed it in the history books and cost the lives of some of the greatest people I’ve ever known… Much has changed, yet much has stayed the same.  I still feel the loss; not only of those who fell in battle and in the incident, but also the loss of the experience of the tour.  With all that has happened, both good and bad, I would still trade it all for the chance to be back with my platoon, as if none of the events which sent me home ever happened.

What is to come?  I still don’t know.  I still can’t run well enough to go back… or even participate in normal unit training.  It’s going to take more time and more physio.  I have no idea where my future lies, with either the military or the civilian world. I’ve been offered positions in many CF trades and organizations, all of which are appealing, but now I have to consider my wife’s needs and interests.  And the long term effects of my injuries are still yet to be seen.

For now, I’ll sit at my desk in the unit recruiting office, sort out paperwork for the new applicants and remember all the experiences I had a year ago… good and bad.

I don’t think I could ever forget them.

 

[mudrecceman]

No words that come to my mind seem worthy so...

 

[PMedMoe]

Since the end of the training year, I’ve been back to work full days as the Unit Recruiting NCO… A position which I am slightly apprehensive about... especially when the parents of young soldiers ask questions about tours in Afghanistan, in particular, how mine went.  It hasn’t scared off any potential recruits… So Far.

Your story may be the one that most young men and women need to hear. 

 

[RHFC_piper]

Your story may be the one that most young men and women need to hear. 

I suppose, but it doesn't help their parents.  Most of the people I deal with for enrollment are 16 (Military Co-op) and a lot of their parents are very apprehensive about them having anything to do with the military anyway.

I won't go into all the 'Amazing' questions I get from parents, students and their co-op teachers, as that would boarder on 'unprofessional'... I just try to answer them the best I can, while trying to explain that co-op IS the real military, not cadets... and we are training to do the same job we do over seas.

As much as I want to tell them exactly what they may be getting into (both good and bad), I am also trying to fill the ranks of the regiment. I don't lie, I don't sugar coat anything, and I don't omit anything they really need to know.... I just don't go into great detail about certain aspects unless they ask specific questions. Most people don't know what questions to ask, so I rarely have to deal with it.  It's kind of like a 'need to know' thing... but there are some days when students, parents and teachers ask the right questions or make the right (or wrong) statements and I have to give them all the information. 

To be quite honest, there are some times when I wish it did scare them a little... or enough to send them running... especially when they ask if they'll have to 'do the job', which is usually followed by the 'I don't think I could do that' statement.  I have a hard time understanding why someone would join a combat arms trade expecting never to do their job.

Anyway,  I don't mind my job... It gives me something to laugh about on good days, and fills the void the rest of the time.



 

 

[simysmom99]

Piper, welcome to the "1 Year Later" club.  It gets better, I promise.
I have enjoyed reading your posts over the past year and I see your healing process in your words.

 

[Roy Harding]

Piper, welcome to the "1 Year Later" club.  It gets better, I promise.
I have enjoyed reading your posts over the past year and I see your healing process in your words.

Me too. 

I think you'll make an awesome recruiter, Piper.  Those you might "scare away" NEED to be scared away.  Best of luck to you.

 

[Red 6]

Piper: A year to the day after Desert Storm I was in recruiting too and remember standing in the door of our station thinking how much the world had changed for me. Remember, as a recruiter you cannot predict for an applicant what will happen to them, good or bad, in the Army. That is for them to decide. Telling the Army story is the key and the best way is to do it in your own voice. I don't know if that makes sense or not. Parents don't know anything about military service and recruiters aren't just paper pushers, but have to paint word pictures. You are selling intangibles — national security and a personal future. You are a fine example of what it means to be a Soldier. keep up the fight.
Mark

 

[Haggis]

I have no idea where my future lies, with either the military or the civilian world. I’ve been offered positions in many CF trades and organizations, all of which are appealing, but now I have to consider my wife’s needs and interests.  And the long term effects of my injuries are still yet to be seen.

Have you given any thought to CF Public Affairs, or just writing in general?  You're, IMO a heck of a writer, with a gift for bringing a story to life.

The CF needs people with BTDT to tell our story from the soldier's perspective.

FYI parts of me set off metal detectors and also get a "stud finder" beeping (a fact I frequently mention to ladies  ;D).

 

[RHFC_piper]

Piper, welcome to the "1 Year Later" club.  It gets better, I promise.
I have enjoyed reading your posts over the past year and I see your healing process in your words.

Me too. 

I think you'll make an awesome recruiter, Piper.  Those you might "scare away" NEED to be scared away.  Best of luck to you.

Thank you all for the support.  I must admit, when I talk to potential young recruits (and they are young... some born in '91... jeeez.) I have a habit of pointing them towards this site for information and direction (after forces.ca of course).
Besides the all the information, I find the level of support from peers here is fantastic.

I don't mean to sound like a blubbering psycho freak here, but the last time I talked to the Psychiatrist at the OSI clinic he was impressed with how well I was/am dealing with my particular situation.  After reading some of the things I’ve posted here (which are now in my file thanks to the medical staff at 32 HSC det London) he made the point that my ability to openly discuss, and commit to writing, comfortably, what I’ve been through has aided the ‘recovery’ process greatly.
They way I see it; it helps me get things off my chest...

Who need group therapy... I gots Army.ca

Parents don't know anything about military service and recruiters aren't just paper pushers, but have to paint word pictures. You are selling intangibles — national security and a personal future.

Yup... I've had parents ask me if they're child will be doing any missionary and/or aid work... I have to bite my tongue to stop my self from spewing sarcastic comments and laughing uncontrollably.  Then I realize just how sad the situation is... these people have no clue what we really do.  Then I have to bite my tongue again to stop myself from telling them "war stories" (heh.. 3 weeks worth... I've learned to recycle them).

I just tell them what we do at the reserve level... which doesn't take long.

I'm glad the CFRC has those nifty CD with all the trades well defined on them... saves me the trouble of trying to explain everything.  I just hand them a disk and say; "it all on here."  It may not always be the best way to go, but what the hell do I know about Navy trades... I'm not about to pretend I know anything I don't.  (and, yes, I've looked through the disk myself... but it hardly makes me an expert.)

You are a fine example of what it means to be a Soldier. keep up the fight.

oh.. I don't know about that.  I'm not without major faults.  eg. Before I deployed over seas, I really let myself go;  I had been attached to the Regiments Pipes and Drums band for 4 + years... that's 4 years away from infantry work.  I spent the majority of that time drinking beer and watching my a$$ grow... I didn't bother trying 'cause I had lost all interest in the unit (long story of getting screwed around).  I lost a lot of time to sitting in the band room and drinking.  The most I did in the unit for training ex's was; A) Enemy force (or as I call it; Enema farce) or B) CO's Driver. 

Don't get me wrong though, I was, and am, very involved in the Regiment; I'm currently the VPMC, and Bar Manager (for the Pibroch club - Cambridge) of the JRs Mess (PMC come Christmas), I run the Kit shop, in the band as a volunteer piper (since my trade is infantry), I'm part of the WW2 reenactment group (HLI of C Normandy Platoon) and helped out in the Regimental Museum...  But haven't been an active member of the Rifle company since '02.

Occasionally I got picked up for an ex, as part of weapons det (lugging useless support weapons we never use), when the rifle coy was short a few, but beyond that my Infantry 'career' was non-existent.  Hell, I had never touched an M203 until selection training in Meaford, 2 months before getting up to Petawawa...

When I say "I learned more in workup and deployment then I ever learned in 8 years with my home unit" you know why.  Now that I'm back to my home unit, I have a hard time taking anything we do there for training seriously.  If my unit was deploying tomorrow (heh.. I know.. hypothetically) I wouldn't be confident that they'd survive.  The training is just so out dated and pointless...  I've asked to help, along with every other member who's deployed, and they answer is "no".  I've given up.

Now I have my desk...  I'll feed the unit more troops and sit at my desk. 

So when you say "I'm a fine example of a soldier"... I just can't agree.  If I were such a fine example, I'd be employed in a greater capacity that flying a desk, handing out paperwork and talking kids into joining the forces. 

I only say this because I have a pretty low opinion of the position of "unit recruiter" in my unit.  Not of recruiters in general; their job, IMO, is very important... but unit recruiter in my unit is usually coupled with other tasks, such as Co-op officer, or Ops WO or Clerk (they hate that)... or it's been one of those positions where they jam some plug who has to kill time before there CT to something better... or someone who is on an extended contract for injuries, and they have nothing better for them to do... I'm not the first.
 
The Job works itself; I give the applicant a heap of paper (application information package, various information handouts, CF 2170 application, 330-23E consent and screening forms, and a reference page), answer some questions and tell the to bring it all back, when complete, with their High school transcript, Original Birth Certificate and/or Proof of Canadian Citizen ship... I check it all, fill in some blanks, throw it all in a CF50 folder and take it over to the CFRC in Kitchener... A monkey with limp could do this job just as effectively, and for less banana's...  I demand 2 a day.

The only reason why I have any kind of work to fill my days now is because my predecessor left me with a heap of incomplete CF50's (which I shouldn't even have), and the only reason why I'm tracking these people down and pestering them is because they're on the Co-op course and I don't want to see them lose it 'cause they didn't follow up on their recruiting paperwork... since they probably didn't know what's going on.  I'm not assigning blame, I'm just fixing the problem. 
Now I deal with the school board to fix the short-falls, so it's getting easier. 

Anyway, when I asked about working with Ops and Training the answer was; "You're not qualified to instruct, so you're not qualified to help with training" (which I can kind of agree with) and "Nothing you're experienced in is usable in the reserve world (mech inf, Instinctive shooting, gunfighter, etc...).  So I'm pretty much useless to my unit.

Model soldier; I am not. I'm just a glorified toon bandsman who got a lucky break, then messed it up by getting shot (I know it wasn't my fault).  But, thank you all the same.

Have you given any thought to CF Public Affairs, or just writing in general?  You're, IMO a heck of a writer, with a gift for bringing a story to life.

The CF needs people with BTDT to tell our story from the soldier's perspective.

FYI parts of me set off metal detectors and also get a "stud finder" beeping (a fact I frequently mention to ladies  ;D).

I have given a lot of thought to writing... I've even submitted a piece for the book "outside the wire", which has been accepted. I don't know if I have any "real" talent, but I do enjoy writing... it takes my mind off of, well, everything.  For me, it's like reading a good book; I get engrossed in it and I can't stop when I start... until I'm distracted.  I don't plan out a lot of what I write, so I don't know where it's going... I just figure it'll work itself out as I go. 

I've started writing other stories, but because of my poor planning, they usually shut down after a while until I have another brain-fart... then they kick back up again.  I end up with a bunch of half written nothing. 

Anyway, I've thought about it, but I just don't have all the necessary skills... I don't think.  I'd like to go to school for writing, but I don't have the time or money.

As for CF public affairs... have you seen any pictures of me?  Would you want THIS representing YOUR army?

Ahhh... me at my best.. drunk and in a kilt.    This is a picture of me at my best friends wedding reception... I was the best man (and the piper...).

All I can say is that I definitely have a face for radio or the written word.

Anyway, it's not like CF PAFFOs are beating down my door... Unless they want to send me to a media event to wave (which I don't mind... especially the football game... that was great and I really appreciate it.) But, I doubt the CF Public affairs office would want a Cpl as a spokesperson unless they were wearing the big recruiting bear costume.  All the real PAFFO jobs are usually reserved for the officer types.

But, I don't think that would be my cup-o-tea anyway.  My mission now is to get back to what I really enjoyed in the military: Infantry.  This operation will be conducted in 3 phases; phase 1) Complete physiotherapy and use the time and facilities provided by the CF (popeyes gym) to bring my fitness level up as high as humanly possible (this will be the longest phase, as it has been a year and I still can't run for longer than a few minutes - my record is 5)  phase 2) convince the wife that there is nothing here (at my home unit or my home town) for me, while simultaneously producing a career for her, completely out of thin air, located closer to Petawawa with a pay comparable to her current salary.  Phase 3) Accept the offer for the quick component transfer to 3 RCR... hopefully in time for the next tour... but not likely.

As much as I'd like to hope this mission will be successful, it seems as though phases 1 and 2 are beyond my reach, and will remain that way (at least phase 2).

But, I'm sure I'll always have my desk... at least for another few months. (Working towards a March 08 deadline for my temp med category)


BTW... "Stud finder"... heh...  The wife didn't laugh when I did that (it was a little too soon I think... right when I got home from the hospital), but now I keep one behind the bar in the mess for drunken fun.  ;D good stuff. 


Well... this has been another long diatribe... sorry.  If you've made it this far without getting up to pee at least once, or just going back to the "recently posted" page to see if anything better was going on, then good for you. You have a wonderful attention span, suitable for such literary snores as 'Little women', 'the horse whisperer' and 'The lord of the rings trilogy' (I find them boring... deal with it, fanboy.  ).
For everyone else... Sorry.  The wife's away for work and I have nothing better to do.

 

[Danjanou]

Ah hell we have worse pictures of Tess  8)

 

[Fusilier]

Piper, just finished reading the entire thread.  WOW, don't know what else I can say.  I was with the BG before you and lost close friends also in Panjway.  I can't say "I know how you feel" because it's individual to everyone.  What I can say is you are a hell of a writer, and sounds like a great recruiter (I was a recruiter too for the HF of C back in ...oh my....'88)  I'm proud of you and to say hey - he's from my home unit (hey once a fusilier always a fusilier!) 
Keep up the good work and keep on healing...

 

[s_macP]

I figured I would not post too much because as a regular guy I don't have too much to say, but here it goes. RHFC_piper you are a hero. I figure you wont like me saying that, but I`ll say it to you and to everyone else reading this who has served in any way, but especially to those like yourself who have been wounded. You are a good recruiter... I can say that truly because reading your posts on here gave me the drive to get all my ducks in order and put my application in.You truly are an excellent writer. Anyways, keep writing, your damn good, and thank you.

 

[KevinB]

Not to be a large dick

but...

HERO: means "a person of distinguished courage or ability, admired for their brave deeds and noble qualities."   
 

 

[Fusilier]

Sorry but you do sound like a bit of a "dick", what's your point?  Hero means many things to many people, I don't think we need quotes from the dictionary to establish a meaning.  Obviously s_macP admires Pipers brave deeds and noble qualities, so do I.

Mama always said if you cant say something nice don't say anything at all....

 

[GAP]

As one article said this morning there are 228 personnel injured and a lot more with stress issues to deal with. That he has dealt with the injury as well as he did, and is coming around and reintergrating, that wonderful, but he is not the only one. Just one of the strong ones.

 

[KevinB]

hmm it seemed to eat my reply...

  I tend to think that warriors reserve the term hero -- I beleive that RHFC would agree with me.

 

[tomahawk6]

I tend to agree with the poster that hero has many meanings. We tend to say a fallen soldier was a hero irregardless of the cause of death if he was killed in an IED blast he is a hero but a soldier wounded in the same event is less heroic ? I would hope our citizens see all who serve as heroes or patriots serving the greater good. Not everyone is required by circumstance to assault an enemy position or to expose himself to enemy fire to save a comrade but I like to think that anyone in that situation would do what was required. All soldiers in theater are true profiles of courage particularly as they dont have to be there. They want to be there. To be away from their families. The personal danger and uncertainty of combat against a relentless and brutual enemy. They are all heroes. They represnt what is great and good about their country. Their service is an inspiration for all Canadians. They are all heroes in my book because they are doing or have done something most people wont do - risk their lives. Just by going they put it all on the line for that red and white flag with the red maple leaf.

 

[RHFC_piper]

Not to be a large dick

but...

HERO: means "a person of distinguished courage or ability, admired for their brave deeds and noble qualities."   
 

Sorry but you do sound like a bit of a "dick", what's your point?  Hero means many things to many people, I don't think we need quotes from the dictionary to establish a meaning.  Obviously s_macP admires Pipers brave deeds and noble qualities, so do I.

Mama always said if you cant say something nice don't say anything at all....

I, equally, don't want to sound like a "dick"... But I have to agree with the point that I6 is trying to make.  I didn't pull friends out of a burning LAV while struggling with my own wounds... I didn't hold off an attack from 50+ Taliban single handedly with a C6, a mitt full of grenades and some M72s while the bunker I was in collapsed on top of me, breaking my neck... I didn't get shot while pulling my Platoon WO's body out of his G-wagon after it was hit by an RPG...  No... I ate breakfast and got hit with shrapnel... I wasn't even alone with that injury; there were 38 of us...

The "Hero's" of September 4th were the guys who saved my life... The soldier who tied the Tourniquet's around my legs and stopped me from bleeding to death (I can never repay him enough). As well as the guys who applied first aid when they, themselves, had serious injuries...  Lets not forget about the medical/extraction staff who got us to safety and the doctors and nurses who saved at least 6 lives that day when we landed in KAF... If it weren't for their professional care, My fire team partner wouldn't be able to walk, and he is... and a good friend and fellow reservist wouldn't be able to read/write/comprehend due to head injuries, and he is now... hell... I don't think I would have made the progress I'm making now if it wasn't for their medical expertise.

Afghanistan has hero's... lots of them.  There were a lot of "hero's" even from my tour... Hell... HitorMiss is one of them, deserving of far more praise than I... he was wounded during an act which was definitely far more heroic than eating poptarts and getting strafed by our friends... he was wounded in combat, by the enemy, trying to save lives. 

So. I6's point is really obvious to me; Do I meet the criteria:
- Person of distinguished courage or ability: Nope... average Canadian soldier.  If going to Afghanistan is a sign of "courage" than the tour medal would be the Star of courage, and everyone would get it... so it's not all that "distinguished"... and ability; nothing I did was any more "distinguished" in ability than anyone else there... in fact, I could name at least 6 other soldiers (pte/cpl) in my platoon whose soldier skills and abilities surpassed mine by leaps and bounds (which is why I was so honoured to work with 'the best'.)

- Admired for brave deeds and noble qualities;  Um... not really...  No brave deeds here.  Just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  I didn't have any opportunity to have a 'brave deed' moment the whole time I was over there... just did my job.  And noble qualities; Maybe... no more than I'd expect from any other soldier.  We are a strange breed; we choose to do something most people wouldn't wish on their worst enemies.. just so most people don't have to do it themselves.  And because of this, we are all "noble"... at least by this definition.

So 1 (maybe) out of 4 criteria... doesn't make a hero... and if it does, than all soldiers are the hero's of the people for which they fight.

Again, don't want to sound unappreciative, or ungrateful, 'cause I do appreciate all the support... and I am greatful for all the comments...  but "hero worship" is just going a little too far.  Don't put me on a pedestal. When it comes down to the meat and potatoes of it; I'm just some toon cpl... there are a lot of us.  The only extraordinary feature is the extra speed holes (which, right now, are doing the opposite... they're slow-holes) which were gained in an odd situation in which 38 others participated.  And as GAP said; 228 of us came home with extra speed holes, some came home after going through the combat drastic weight loss program (missing limbs)...  and there will be more.  Not to mention the stress injuries and future injuries and illnesses which will inevitably surface from all the exposure to odd chemicals, etc. 

So what make me "different"?  (this is not an egotistical rant... just the way I see it)
I had a bad night, bad dreams, insomnia and I missed my friends; both the ones I'd see again and the ones I wouldn't...
So I wrote it all down... Why did I post it here? I don't know.  Seemed like the thing to do.  I honestly expected the mods to look at it as say; "WTF... who is this whiny little turd..."  and delete it... and I would have been okay with it just 'cause I was able to vent... just a bit. 

The fact that it exploded into this has really helped more though... me anyway...  This made it to my boys overseas, and they knew I was still with them.  This made it to their families and they contacted me, and gave their support.  This made it to the families of my fallen friends... and then we could then lean on each other....  This made it to my family. Then they understood.

For everyone else; if the crap I write here helps other people understand the fight soldiers have on and off the field of battle, especially the families of other soldiers; I'm glad... but it wasn't the original aim.  If it gave civilians and media a good insight into what really goes on over there as well as a different take on soldiers; great... glad I could help... but wasn't part of the plan.  If it was just a good read for someone looking for a sappy war journal... or whatever the hell you classify this as; good... enjoy... I like writing... but again, this wasn't for you... it was for me.

Consider this (especially all you 'old army' types); If some dink corporal came to you and spilled out this sob story over a pint of beer, or in the back compound during a smoke break, what would you think of it?  You'd probably think a) Why the hell is he telling me this crap? I don't want to here his life story. b) wow... what a b**ch.  quit your moanin' and sort your self out.  c) get the hell away from me, you depressing sod. 
So what makes this different? I don't know... maybe 'cause I wrote it down and gave people the choice to accept it or not (no one forced you to read it)? or maybe 'cause now we're the kinder, gentler, touchy-feely, comfort blanket and chicken-soup-for-the-soul generation... I don't know... draw your own conclusions.

Either way; take me as I am... just some guy who had a run of bad luck... then a run of really good luck because of the bad luck.  Just don't paint me high on the mural, 'cause after a while, those who know will just see a fraud... I'm not a hero...  just a part time soldier.

Thanks again for all the support, comments, etc...  but please give the hero worship to the heros....


Since you added this while I was writing...

  I tend to think that warriors reserve the term hero -- I believe that RHFC would agree with me.

I agree.  Here's how I see it; if you become a race car driver, knowing full well that there is a very good chance you could be killed in a crash, in my mind, you forfeit all your rights to sympathy when it happens... you knew the risks and did it anyway.  This isn't to say that it isn't sad, or a loss... it's just not tragic, 'cause even a blind man could see it coming.  The same goes for anyone who willingly puts their life in danger for their job.  But in some cases, this act is noble; Police, fire fighters and soldiers to name a few.  Why? 'cause we've chosen to put our lives on the line knowing full well that our occupation could take it from us.  And again, this doesn't mean there is no sadness when lives are lost in these professions... you just have to realize that these jobs are inherently dangerous.

For soldiers; in a war/area of conflict, this is even more prevalent.  Police officers don't leave home everyday for work thinking some dude's going to unload a mag at them on the street, but they (should) realize that there is a risk.  Fire fighters don't foresee being burned alive in a building fire everyday, but the risk is there for injury.  These jobs are dangerous, but the threat of bodily harm isn't there 24 hours a day...  For soldiers in theater, it is.  We go knowing that there are lots of dudes ready to rapidly unload their weapons at us, and we realize that at any time the vehicle we're in could be blown to bite-sized pieces... we've accepted that (or at least should have). 

So when a police officer or fire fighter is killed, its' tragic, 'cause, although the threat is there daily, it's not constant.  When soldiers die, it's only tragic because we (as a country) haven't seen it often in our recent history (last 20+ years... this generation), and most people don't understand why it has happened... thanks to lack of information.

Soldiers take on the task knowing what is coming...
When a soldier distinguished them self in the field of battle by doing more than they are asked, or doing it beyond expectations in the benefit of mission or man, then it's heroic.  Service itself, in the minds of most soldiers, is not heroic.