Afghanistan, is it worth it- Cheating Spouse Thread

[DFandE]

I don't mean to rant on about this but things were resolved I guess you could say, and my girlfriend left me. This is the second time she left me since my last rant about this, there will definitely not be a third..it's time to focuss on me. I try and keep a positive attitude and not think about it but everything happens for a reason, right? I'm still young, there will be plently more I'm sure

One thing I'm positive about is your youth. Trust an old Army Wife here...it's much easier to take in your younger years than when you're older and have invested half your life into a relationship.

I don't know about everything happening for a reason, but I do know one thing - Sometimes, people are on earth just to remind us how we SHOULD NOT behave!

When you meet a new girl - watch her behaviour around your friends...does she flirt with them etc. if she does - runaway - she's one of those women who is an "attention hog". If she's not getting the attention from men she's not happy and if you're deployed she's going to have the same behaviours.

Once burned twice shy - it might take a while before you can trust again. It's taken me years and I still don't trust my cheating husband - not like I did before at any rate.  Try not to carry this baggage with you - try to keep it as "lessons learned"...be upfront with future prospects. "I was with a girl and this is what happened and it's not going to happen again."  Sort of spiel. Lay it out and be upfront. You're not going to be a victim to this kind of behaviour again.

My husband is very aware of where he stands. Yes I love him. Yes I like him. One mistake like this - forgivable - a second time...I'll forgive him but he won't be in my life anymore.  I might be a 40 year old army wife -  but I'm not afraid of being alone. That's what made me a good army wife to begin with, being independent!!

So chin up buddy! Move forward and let the experiences of the past make you wiser in the future! That's what I'm trying to do...easier said than done!  :nod:

 

[MaDB0Y_021]

Man, I got to say...

Reading all those stories about men/women being cheated on just for some unknown reason scares the living crap out of me, man... I mean... That ain't funny at all. And I think what scares me is if she would have the guts to tell me that, in fact, she cheated on me while I was away or keep it secret and I would be the one to catch her...

Anyway, man. This is a nice thread. Shows a reality. But still...This is messed-up.

 

[vonGarvin]

[injecting reality]
When I was in KAF, I'm certain that there were shenanigans going on.  Of the 2500+ Canadians there, I'm pretty sure that maybe upwards of 10 or even 15 people were cheating on someone.  Heck, maybe even as high as 100.  OK, let's assume 100.  That's 1 out of 25 people, or 4%.  In other words, this whole thing is like the media: only the bad gets reported.  And I'm pretty sure that infidelity occurs in Canada outside the military, maybe even at the same rate.  In other words, it happens, and it hurts when it does, but when it happens "over there", it hurts maybe more.  But it's not like everyone in KAF is one big orgiastic love-fest for 6-9 months
[/reality]

 

[PMedMoe]

TV, I'm with you.  It's not just going to Afghanistan, or to the field or on course or even being in the military.  It's people who cheat on each other.  Sometimes, you can forgive them, sometimes, you can't.  Either way you get on with your life.  Everytime this thread dies down, I think "Good, let it go dormant" and then it starts back up again.  I don't know, maybe people like the anonymity of the site to air their feelings.  ???

 

[DFandE]

TV, I'm with you.  It's not just going to Afghanistan, or to the field or on course or even being in the military.  It's people who cheat on each other.  Sometimes, you can forgive them, sometimes, you can't.  Either way you get on with your life.  Everytime this thread dies down, I think "Good, let it go dormant" and then it starts back up again.  I don't know, maybe people like the anonymity of the site to air their feelings.  ???

You're right, it's not just happening in Afghanistan - but when it does happen there - the knife goes that much deeper. The spouse at home feels like a shmuck - putting up yellow ribbons - keeping the home fires burning - sleepless nights worried like hell...etc. etc. If it happened on TD, or at home it wouldn't feel like such a betrayel. I think it's quite shocking that people would risk their families and their careers by having "extra-marital sex" in KAF of all places...not to mention just plain stupid.

Apparently this thread makes you feel uncomfortable ???. People like to air their feelings period...and why shouldn't they also enjoy the anonymity of the site. It can be quite healing to connect with other people in the same situation.


A thread won't die as long as people are experiencing this sort of betrayal for the first time. And what a better place to bring it to the surface than an army forum. If you wrote anything like this on a civy forum they'd scream "Leave him." they don't understand military life and how much is invested in being a "good military spouse".

Who would have  thought of KAF as having an orgy inducing atmosphere.  :

You'd be surprised at the amount of private messages that are sent out because of this thread. Let's just say, this thread might be a "necessary evil"... :nod:

 

[PMedMoe]

DFandE. the thread doesn't make me "uncomfortable".  I just think it's stupid.  As a friend of mine says, it's one of those "agony aunt" type of threads.  If you'd rather get support and/or sympathy from unknown sources, fill yer boots.

Personally, I don't see where someone cheating in KAF is any more of a "betrayal" than if they did it on TD.  Obviously, opportunity and willingness were there, either way.  Also, I have my doubts that some of these people are experiencing it for the "first time".  It may be the first time they found out about it.

Here's a eye-opener for you.  Sometimes, being away gives the person a different perspective on their life and time to think.  I went to Germany for 7 months and realized I was not in love with my (now ex) spouse.  Did I cheat on them?  No, but it took being away for me to realize that.

Oh, and KAF has anything but an orgy inducing atmosphere.  Trust me, I was there with my spouse. 

 

[DFandE]

DFandE. the thread doesn't make me "uncomfortable".  I just think it's stupid.  As a friend of mine says, it's one of those "agony aunt" type of threads.  If you'd rather get support and/or sympathy from unknown sources, fill yer boots.

Personally, I don't see where someone cheating in KAF is any more of a "betrayal" than if they did it on TD.  Obviously, opportunity and willingness were there, either way.  Also, I have my doubts that some of these people are experiencing it for the "first time".  It may be the first time they found out about it.

Here's a eye-opener for you.  Sometimes, being away gives the person a different perspective on their life and time to think.  I went to Germany for 7 months and realized I was not in love with my (now ex) spouse.  Did I cheat on them?  No, but it took being away for me to realize that.

Oh, and KAF has anything but an orgy inducing atmosphere.  Trust me, I was there with my spouse. 

Not much of an eye opener - as I don't live in a cave and have watched many military families come to ruin over the past 27 years. Most of which were destroyed after a spouse had some time away from home. When we went on tour to Cyprus for six months it was an easy breazy tour - and if anything it made me realize my family needed to come first, so I got out to become a stay at home mom and support my husband's career.  I know both sides of this fence. I know what the military member goes through and I also know what it's like to be on the civy spouse side as well.

When I wrote that I wasn't aware about the orgy inducing atmosphere I should have said (insert sarcasm here) - next time I'll be more concise in my correspondence.

I've perused a lot of this site - people ask for advice, complain,  tell their war stories all over it...but this particular thread is akin to an agony aunt thread? So you're comparing adultery in the military during active duty to a column in the newspaper about how to get along with in-laws. Interesting comparison.  Maybe you have a point,  you know what they say about the troops...if they're not whining they're not happy! I'm must be pretty darn happy!  ;D

 

[PMedMoe]

When I wrote that I wasn't aware about the orgy inducing atmosphere I should have said (insert sarcasm here) - next time I'll be more concise in my correspondence.

That's why I used the winky guy! 

 

[vonGarvin]

Loving the picture re: " Afghanistan - experiences may vary."
Oh that's too funny - and realistically tragic.

Slight OT, but I'm hating that picture.  Yeah, it's funny and all, but not realistically tragic.  We all can't be front line troops, getting shot at, shooting back, whatever.  Someone has to work at the HQ.  The dangers are still there, perhaps not as apparent or as statistically dangerous, and just as there are no orgies going on over there (Friday to Wednesday, anyway), not all "KAF-ites" live at Tim Hortons.  And I'm certain that the two depicted in the photo were as hard-working as anyone else.

[/rant]

 

[armyvern]

Slight OT, but I'm hating that picture.  Yeah, it's funny and all, but not realistically tragic.  We all can't be front line troops, getting shot at, shooting back, whatever.  Someone has to work at the HQ.  The dangers are still there, perhaps not as apparent or as statistically dangerous, and just as there are no orgies going on over there (Friday to Wednesday, anyway), not all "KAF-ites" live at Tim Hortons.  And I'm certain that the two depicted in the photo were as hard-working as anyone else.

[/rant]

I feel the same way. I'm just waiting for someone to post a couple of pics of one of those "lady-Kaffites" depicted and inferred in the below pic as having such a kuchy go of it for her tour in "KAF" ... out there in the FOBs time was also spent in.

Funny that.

 

[theoldyoungguy]

I feel the same way. I'm just waiting for someone to post a couple of pics of one of those "lady-Kaffites" depicted and inferred in the below pic as having such a kuchy go of it for her tour in "KAF" ... out there in the FOBs time was also spent in.

Funny that.

There are a lot of support personal I respect for their hard work and dedication. The vast majority of those jobs are required and deserve respect for there dedication. There are some that I have seen, litterally 20 hours a day for a week straingt so the boys can keep up with there op tempom to me that deserves respect. However there are those that work the standard 8-4, and have the opportunity to take there nights off and enjoy a lot of free time. I'm not saying there job wasnt needed nor am I bashing them, but when they get the same recognition and/or bitch and complain when they have to put in a couple extra hours, you can see why a front liner wouldn't take the griping so enthusiastically. Although this pussyfooting happens in every trade. Unproffessionalism is unproffessionalism regardless of where your personal AOR is.

I personally see the bigger issue as obesity in the CF. The fact that some canadian soldiers are grossly overweight walking around KAF does this country a disservice when the vast majority of soldiers outside the wire are fit. Sorry, I'm just a firm believer in the physical fitness requirements the CF has mandated. I see less of an issue with which trade you are and more of an issue with how effectively are you using your free time...

 

[Kat Stevens]

This thread was already headed for a slippery ride down a brass tube, the inevitable "I hate fat fuks" non sequitur just about seals the deal, I think.

 

[theoldyoungguy]

This thread was already headed for a slippery ride down a brass tube, the inevitable "I hate fat fuks" non sequitur just about seals the deal, I think.

Agreed.

 

[Hepburn]

I am also coming for the side of things where i waited at home for 6 months for the love of my life....he was deployed in 2008 and i cried myself to sleep every night, worried for his safety and for the men and women he was working side by side with... It wasn't until last weekend i saw his emails for the first time and realized he was cheating on me while he was over there...i'm still in shock. Never thought this would be us. The worst part is that he was able to look at me every day and tell me he loved me while knowing what he'd done. And even when i confronted him he kept on lying about it and got angry...it is truly heartbreaking. My heart goes out to all the soldiers and spouses who have been on the receiving end of such vile information. And for those who do wait and commit and love well, continue to do so....good will come

 

[Fishbone Jones]

This thread was already headed for a slippery ride down a brass tube, the inevitable "I hate fat fuks" non sequitur just about seals the deal, I think.

Close. It's not over until someone invokes Godwin's Law and compares the actions of their cheating spouse to that of Adolf Hitler and the Nazis.

 

[mariomike]

Close. It's not over until someone invokes Godwin's Law and compares the actions of their cheating spouse to that of Adolf Hitler and the Nazis.

How is this?:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wSsD4WLQJU

 

[Sparkplugs]

I'm a girl in Afghanistan right now, with a military hubby back home in Canada. 

Being a girl here is weird.... We aren't that few and far between, but some of these guys are not just here for a few months at a time, it can be upwards of a year or 14 months.  So the girls get ridiculous amounts of attention.  Some of it's just funny, some of it is gross.  I've had my rear end smacked, and my braids pulled, while someone says, "Ooo, handlebars!  Can I go for a ride?"

You just have to be strong and keep to your morals.  I know too many girls who flake out at all the attention and cheat on their boys back home.  It's not worth it.  I can't wait to go home and see my love again.  Of course I'm lonely, of course I miss him.  But enough to desperately need physical contact here?  No.

Nevermind that you feel dirty 10 minutes after a shower from all the dust, and you don't have time or the space to shave your legs...  I don't even want to have sex over here, hahaha, I just want to fix airplanes and get some sleep, and hope to not have a rocket attack that night.

It amazes me at the number of females in the bathrooms, every morning, blowdrying their hair, straightening it, using more makeup than I'd ever even consider wearing out to a bar or something, and wearing the least amount of clothes they can get away with.  I personally watched a girl try to get into one of the messes the other day, wearing a shirt with no sleeves, super tight, and so white as to be see-through, and rage and scream about discrimination when they wouldn't let her in.  Come on now, is that really necessary? 

Anyway, all I'm saying is that if someone is going to cheat, they'll do it in Afghanistan, and they'll do it in Canada.  I just wanted to be a female in the military, coming on here to say, "Hey, we're not all bad!"  Some of us are still old-fashioned and care about things at home.

And I don't believe in that "What happens on 'TD/Kaf/another area code' stays there" business.  I've told many a married man (and woman) to go home to his wife and be good.  It may be harder to keep a relationship healthy when one person is always off away somewhere, but it's definitely possible.

And my countdown is on for the end of this tour... only two more to go this year.  =p

 

[armyvern]

...

And my countdown is on for the end of this tour... only two more to go this year.  =p

Excellent post; and, laughing my girlie ass off at the close ...  ;D

You go girl!

 

[Sparkplugs]

Excellent post; and, laughing my girlie *** off at the close ...  ;D

You go girl!

;D

Gotta keep myself amused here somehow!  Thank goodness for the internet being available, I'd be bored stiff without it!

 

[GAP]

pun intended?  ;D